Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Armstrong Chronicles...

When this whole thing started, it was 'Roid Floyd Landis making accusations against Lance Armstrong and a host of others. He claims an organized doping program was in place during his time as a rider at the US Postal cycling team and directly implicates Armstrong not only as a user but as a supplier. Due to Landis' credibility issues, which run the gamut from lying in court during his doping trial, the slimy phone call from his then-manager to Greg Lemond ridiculing him about his childhood sexual abuse in the presence of Floyd, to taking money from supporters to mount his ridiculous defense that he never used PED's to win the 2006 Tour de France.

Armstrong and team director Johan "The Hog" Bruyneel at first presented a confident and united front, attacking Floyd personally as being a man angry with the world to thiis little gem from Armstrong himself-"It's his word against ours. And we like our word".

Still feel that way, big guy?

Because thanks to Jeff Novitzky and his merry band of Federal agents, it is no longer Landis' word against yours. Let us deal not in conjecture, but in fact to ascertain where we are at the present moment-

1) The Feds are in the process of questioning athletes who rode with Armstrong, handing out grand jury subpoenas as we speak. Already another ex-Postal rider has verified claims of widespread and systematic drug use within the team, but his name has not been leaked as of yet.

2) Greg Lemond has been asked for documents relating to his case against his former employer Trek Bicycles, which he won.

3) The Feds are not after cyclists who doped per se. They are looking into the financial aspects of the team and believe strongly that public money from the US Postal sponsorship was used to finance an organized doping ring, which constitutes fraud. But the information revealed from the doping side will shed light on the machinations behind Armstrong's improbable success at the Tour.

4) Here is an excerpt from a Newsweek article profiling the rift between Landis and Armstrong-

"Armstrong’s associates suggest that Landis launched his campaign against the seven-time Tour winner after Armstrong rejected Landis’s efforts to make a comeback. Johan Bruyneel—the manager of Armstrong’s Radio Shack cycling team, which was assembled in July 2009—tells NEWSWEEK that Landis contacted him last October or November seeking a spot. Bruyneel says he turned Landis away because of his reputation as a doper. “I told him it would be a bad PR move” that could damage the new team’s efforts to win entry into the 2010 Tour, Bruyneel says."

If that last sentence doesn't make you gag at the level of hypocrisy and hubris exhibited by Bruyneel, then nothing will.

Armstrong's lawyers, two cracker-ass good ol' boys from Texas named Bryan Daly and Tim Herman (who sound like they stepped off the sound stage of the '70s Hillbilly variety show "Hee Haw") are resorting to tactics used to similar effect by ambulance chasers and jive-turkey law firms that have little to no scruples when it comes to interpreting the law. So far, these two jackasses have stated that Armstrong is willing to cooperate only if the investigation isn't a witch hunt.

How humble of Lance to tell the Feds how they should go about their investigation.

They also claimed the Feds are offering immunity deals in exchange for testimony incriminating their client. Wrap your head around this nonsense for a second. They are accusing the Feds of asking riders to change previously given testimony in exchange for leniency just to nail this one asshole.

And the best one they saved for last. Herman stated the investigation is "Un-American". What is it then, French? Previously, the jingoistic hogwash spewed by the fanboy retards was the French were out to get Armstrong out of bitterness and jealousy because a French rider hadn't won the Tour in 1986. Nothing could be further from the truth. Despite his nauseating public persona, the French have always admired Armstrong. But like an amoeba that can only thrive in nuclear waste and toxic sludge, Armstrong needs to feed off negativity, real or imagined.

Armstrong has stated that he has done too much for too many people for this to be happening to him. Really, Lance? Why don't we ask Filipo Simeoni, a rider you tormented to no end right until he retired? Armstrong, aside from all the lying, needs to go down for this if for nothing else.

The manner in which he treated this anonymous Italian rider who, in the twilight of his career after winning the Italian National Championship was excluded from representing his jersey in the Giro D'Italia because Armstrong told the Giro organizers he wouldn't bless their race with his presence if Simeoni was there. So the organizers took the unprecedented step of excluding the national jersey wearer from their own national race to placate Armstrong's ego and thirst for revenge. Now the bad karma is coming back to hit him square in the face and he doesn't like it. It's "Un-American", don't you know!!!

I've addressed this issue previously but it bares repeating-he has manufactured a superhero image to the cancer community to enrich himself, grow his public persona as a crusading do-gooder and to live a celebrity lifestyle few of us could ever envision. The truth of the matter is he has hijacked the cancer community and has held them hostage with a fake message of hope-"LIVESTRONG"-that resonates like a shrill, overbearing cow bell at a Mott the Hoople 30th Anniversary concert-

*Here is a quote from a poster called "the Hog" from the forum that explains the whole "fighting cancer" issue from the "Livestrong" perpective-"

There are many cancer charities that provide support for cancer patients by supplying nurses, home care and treatment advice and counseling. The fundamental keys to outpatient support. And funny enough all the things Livestrong doesn't do."

I have a message to all the unadulterated idiots who in any way shape or form condone or make excuses for this man. Here it is-

Those of you who have it cemented into your pea brains that Armstrong has done so much for the cancer community, or that he has raised millions upon jillions of dollars for the fight against cancer, or that he inspires millions of cancer sufferers and survivors, do us all a favor and please, please, please get your heads out of your asses already with this bullshit.

1) He has perpetually lied to the cancer community and the whole world about how he won his seven Tours.

I'm also fairly sure said charities providing support don't need the use of a private jet to operate

2) He has lied to the corporations that have paid him handsomely to sponsor their products.

3) He's lied to every corporate cocksucker who has ever sat in an auditorium listening to his drivel about Living Strong and "fighting" cancer. Newsflash for you fanboys-you don't "fight" cancer-your oncologist "treats" it. That's how it's done. The difference isn't just a question of semantics-it's the chasm that lies between the perception and the reality. The difference is that a fairy tale is a concocted series of silly little events where the ending is always a happy one because the hero is honest, hard-working and is morally and ethically above reproach. Little kids need fairy tales-adults need to get a fucking life.

4) He has lied about the use his personal appearance fees, pocketing millions from various race organizers during his "Hope Rides Again" comeback last year-money that he pledged would go straight to his foundation but strangely enough wound up in his personal bank account.

5) He has mercilessly bullied riders and has made a complete mockery of the ideal of fair play in sport. He's been a serial celebu-whore dater (al whom morbidly look exactly like his mother) and breeds like a man who has never fathomed the concept of birth control, much less monogamy.

6) His every move is a contrived and insincere ploy to call attention to himself. He has enriched himself by marketing and selling a brand-Livestrong-that is nothing but ether. (I guess it's called intellectual content-regardless of the fact that the color yellow is one he stole from the leader's jersey of the Tour de France).

So the fanboy denials remains the same-

"So what if he doped? He's done too much good for too many people."

"If he doped, so did everyone else."

"Given this fact, he was still the most naturally talented rider and would have won the same number of Tours if everyone else rode clean."

"This investigation is a witch hunt."

"But Landis has no credibility."

Unfortunately for the fanboy cretins who gurgle this putrid bile, all the obfuscations will turn out to be complete and utter bullshit once the Feds get done interviewing all the pertinent people. Very soon this house of cards will fall. Here is hoping it happens soon. I want it to be messy and ugly. For Simeoni, for Greg Lemond, for all the people this slimeball has looked in the face and lied to for all these years. It's over, pal. You should have stayed retired the first time. And you should have gotten Floyd Landis a job the second he was done serving his suspension. You wouldn't be where you are if you had just done these two things.

That's right, asshole-it's over. You are officially-

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