Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Last Political Rant You'll Need to Read Before Casting Your Vote...

My fellow Americans, on the eve of the Presidential Election, certain inconsistencies need to be sorted out. I have steered clear of any political talk because it always turns into a gigantic pissing contest, and the arguments always devolve into who can shout the loudest and who can alienate the other with name-calling and increasingly shrill, vitriolic, anti-intellectual tripe. I've had enough of party affiliations, demagoguery and fanatical ideological Libertarian rants.

It's time we elect leaders whose IQ's are marginally above that of the average ape. No one fits that bill on the Republican side, so don't bother looking. Christine O'Donnell is the only batshit crazy Republican I'd vote for, but that's because she's one of the hottest pieces of Republican ass this side of all-time MILF Sarah Palin. Unfortunately, the drop-off from these two is seismic.

A recent poll undertaken by the political wing of "Busting Chops" lists Newt Gingrich as the third hottest piece of Right Wing ass, with Michele Backmann and Ann Coulter tied for fourth. Yes, that Anne Coulter, the Caucasian version of Creepela Gruesome from The Flintstones. No thanks on that one.

Ann Coulter, the greyhound-faced cunt of the Conservative Party-

-and her lost twin, Creepella Gruesome.

As for intellectually challenged primates running for public office, the Romney ticket includes the GOP constituency of angry, bloated, diabetes-withered racist white men who hate anything and anyone that isn't white. The morons who think climate change is a left-wing hoax propagated by the liberal media just got a taste of the damage we're doing to the environment right up their asses.

Is this the only way they'll learn?

 Yes, it is.

For the racists who've made the Republican Party their ideological trailer park home-away-from-home, humility must be learned the hard way, as their abodes and businesses wash away into the sea by relentless 90-mph winds or buried under 15 feet of sand that used to be the beach but is now at your doorstep and deeply embedded into the cracks of your fat white asses.

A couple of weeks ago Mitt Romney called for the obliteration of FEMA. Go ask Republican governor of New Jersey Chris "Krispy Kreme" Christie what he thinks of the idea now that the Jersey Shore has floated into the Atlantic, taking every Guido Juicehead with it. Romney is nothing but an empty vessel of unbridled ambition, devoid of a plan and even more devoid of convictions. He's the ultimate whore, saying anything that will get his base of old, angry, white Americans foaming at the mouth. His hollow, Gordon Gekko-esque pantomime reveals his disdain for people who actually work for a living, something he's never done a day in his life. And no, whatever he did to amass his fortune at Bain Capital doesn't constitute as real work.

He's stated he's not at all concerned with the 47% of Americans he derisively dismisses as "moochers", which in GOP jargon is code "people of color". This dingleberry needs to be buried alive in a shallow grave along with his core constituency, whose tireless screeching about minorities sapping the economic base of this great country with their welfare, food stamps and rampant crime needs to be stopped.

The Republican Party needs a message that will carry us forward, not take us back to the days of segregation, the Klan, and sambos like Ward Connerly and that stupid pizza guy with his "9-9-9" tax plan. By the way, he thought up this tax plan while attempting to dial 9-1-1 so an ambulance could take him to the hospital because he was concerned that the ability to talk out of his ass would be seriously hampered if he didn't have the extra large pepperoni pizza that was lodged in his rectum surgically removed. But that is exactly where Republicans want to go-backwards. And they want to take us all with them.

Prototypical angry suburban white man, working hard to make sure you feel his pain-

They want to take us backwards because they have no plan for the future. This is what happens when we elect brain-dead ideologues who are more beholden to the sick, twisted social and economic rantings of their patron saint Ayn Rand, whose disgusting, shriveled, pock-marked, urine-soaked carcass was disinterred long enough for her to write her incessantly boring magnum opus to unbridled greed and selfishness bombastically titled "Atlas shrugged". These assholes want to pass her ultra laissez- faire rodomontades as sane public policy. Atlas can shrug my balls.

Of all the problems we as a nation face, the right wingers can only prattle the swill of culture war rhetoric-it's always the gays, blacks, and Latinos who are bringing this country down. What would we do without the "job creators", who have been busy creating jobs in third world hellholes just so they don't have to pay workers a living wage in the United States? I got news for you Libertarian cocksuckers-there IS no Gault's Gulch. Such a place only exists in your racist, elitist fantasies where no good alter boy goes unmolested and no tax break is every big enough for you asswipes to start "creating" new jobs.

They want to turn the US into a gigantic slum where only the corporate elites get to live well and everyone else is left to fight over what's left. They think that's the best course for the economy-tax breaks for the wealthy and austerity for everyone else. They have done enough damage to the middle class over the years, and they need to be ousted from all three branches of the US government. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas needs to resign so he can go work at the only job he's intellectually qualified for-being the porter in the housing projects like Bookman from the 70's sitcom "Good Times".

Say good-bye to "Long Dong Silver"...

...and say hello to more "Good Times"!!!

And don't think Obama is any better. He's not. He never went after the criminals on Wall Street and they are STILL selling credit default swaps like crack on an urban street corner while making enormous, record-shattering profits every quarter. We could have had electric cars years ago if not for the oil lobby and their concerted efforts to kill what was then considered new and exciting technology that would have benefited not only the environment but regular everyday people as well.

Obama's health care plan was one gigantic economic surge for private insurance companies  when the fact of the matter is a single payer option is what is best for uninsured Americans. Get those blood-sucking vultures out of the health care business and maybe we can see some sanity in medical costs. Some things cannot be left to the private sector-they have no conscience and no morals, and will always put profit over what is best for  the country.

It's time we ask more from our leaders and leave the culture wars to the radical fringe of the Republican Party and the racist rednecks who agree with them.

-The only people obsessed with gays are sexually repressed right-wingers who go to sleep dreaming of the day Rocco Siffredi fucks them in the ass.

-The only people obsessed with race are the nerds who attended Division-I colleges and fester a lifelong hatred of blacks who orgy-fucked their pristine Caucasian girlfriends and scored all those touchdowns they never could because they sucked as athletes.

-The only people obsessed with minorities are the ones who despise them because they themselves would never consider working hard at jobs that pay so little. This is America, after all. Why should a self-respecting Republican have to work hard when Pedro will mow the lawn for pennies on the dollar?

I understand it's hard to think clearly when all you can afford for dinner is a can of Chef Boyardee Beef Pillows and Kool-Aid pre-mixed juice boxes. But my fellow white trash redneck motherfuckers, this election is about you, too. This election isn't about keeping Obama in office so much as it's about keeping Romney OUT. Honey Boo Boo would find logic in this strategy, even if her fat, no-necked, possum pie eating parents would disagree.

To the assholes from the "red" states who burned Obama in effigy at those Teabagger rallies while painting Hitler mustaches on his face and calling him a socialist, let's get with some facts-

1) Obama kept the tax cuts for the richest Americans intact. Not that it effected YOU any, but we know votig agsinst your best interests is what you do so well.

2) Obama is a friend to the crooks on Wall Street. the Frank-Dodd bill is a toothless piece of legislative crap I wouldn't use to clean a crime scene with.

3) Distribution of wealth-no one has been able to make a coherent argument about this. Obama did increase unemployment and food stamp benefits because, and please listen carefully all you dumb-ass fuckers, WHEN HE TOOK OFFICE WE WERE IN THE WORST FINANCIAL CRISIS SINCE THE GREAT DEPRESSION. Do you meatheads understand the concept of not letting people starve?

4) Not everybody is on food stamps. The majority of people on public assistance (about 70%) are children under the age of 18. I understand most redneck females are grandmothers by this age, but that's how they roll south of the Mason-Dixon line. And of course, the Ayn Rand fetishists don't understand why these useless non-productive members of society can't get jobs in coal mines so they can pull their own weight, but  the highly regarded and esteemed "job creators" have managed to ship those jobs to China, too, where non-union slave wage labor is the rule and not the exception.

5) And finally, when you run out of lies as reasons to despise Obama and are prepared to admit ya just don't like him 'cause he's black, let "Busting Chops" political correspondent and professional comedian Chris Rock set you straight on that one-

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