Come On, Sammy-WTF?

Stop this right now, Sammy. Please. You look like a fucking clown.

I understand-everybody does at least one thing that others would consider strange. It's your life, and if you're not hurting anyone else with malicious intent, then I say feel free to live as you wish. But really, what the fuck is this?

The dude already has his millions. Steroids or no, his story is pretty incredible, especially given the fact that I've visited the Dominican Republic many times and have seen the poverty some of these people live in up close. It is ghastly.

If you're dirt poor, there is literally no way out for you on that island. Others may disagree, but take my word for it-if you grew up shining shoes as a kid and make it to the major leagues to become a star like Sosa did...well, you have to take your hat off to him. Besides, he wasn't doing anything anyone else was doing and Major League Baseball looked the other way while it was (and probably still is) going on.

He has to be credited for breathing life back into baseball after the disastrous lockout, and anyone who witnessed The Summer of '98 will never forget the excitement in the streets of Washington Heights as finally one of their own was in the spotlight. He was greeted as a hero when he went back to the DR that year, and rightfully so. He gave hope to a lot of people that have very little of it. Let's not forget any of this when you take his full story into account.

But this really isn't ABOUT baseball. It's about something so ridiculously vain and sad that even I can't believe it. We can forgive some of the excesses of Dominican professional baseball players, who to a man all come from grinding poverty. Pedro Martinez with his yellow Lamborghini, riding on roads ill suited for anything but the sturdiest ATV (or army-issue tank, for that matter). Albert Belle, who constructed a gigantic moat around his house. And even Sosa, who instructed his architect to build the interior entrance of his mansion exactly like the mahogany staircase in the movie "The Titanic". All three thousand square feet of it. And that's just the ENTRANCE.

Supposedly Sosa isn't really welcome amongst the Dominican elites, the old-money blue-bloods who are for the most part Caucasian in appearance, as are the majority of the upper-crust in every Latin American country. It is reasonable to expect that someone as prestigious as he would want to become a part of that society, after all it is HIS country we are talking about.

But he is looked down upon because he was a shoeshine boy from the streets, with no education and no breeding to speak of and made his money as a "pelotero", which is held in high regard only by the lower classes, the ones who see baseball as THEE ONLY WAY to a better life. It's his background these people find low-brow and objectionable, not just the color of his skin, the texture of his hair or the color of his eyes.

In this particular case everything he stands for is held against him. And straightening his hair, wearing lime-green contacts and bleaching his skin isn't going to change that. He just winds up looking like a jive-ass turkey with serious racial identity issues. I'm kind of hoping this isn't the case, but the explanations offered so far seem utterly without credibility.

He is supposedly undergoing skin rejuvenation treatments. He is supposedly using a European night cream meant to help repair the damage done by years of playing in the sun. Others have cynically remarked that he is suffering from Vitiligo from all the steroids he's ingested over the years.

Whatever it is, he looks like a buffoon. Not just for the skin bleaching (who was the doctor that supervised these treatments? Dr. Mengele?) but for the terrible hair straightening and the abysmal colored contacts. At this stage of the game, does anyone really think colored contacts look natural? I've yet to see anyone wearing them that look even remotely authentic.

We love you just the way you are, Sammy-a lying, steroid abusing, I don't speak english in front of Congressional Committees, fun-loving doofus who entertained us when we were ready to turn our collective backs on our very own national pastime. You, along with the other steroid puppy Mark McGuire saved baseball whether anyone wants to admit it or not. That is the truth. Probably the only grain of truth in this proud man's stunning career.

But it just goes to show you how silly WE are. We can forgive THIS transformation-

But not THIS one?

Film Recommendation of the Week...

Europa
Release date May 22, 1992 (United States).
English/german w/english subtitles.
Running time 1 hour 52 minutes.




A film noir classic in every sense of the word. This is the tale of a young German/American who goes to Germany immediately after WWII to help the country rebuild. Naive, lonely and easily lead astray by (you guessed it) a beautiful babe, he gets caught up in the tangled psychological web of a cynical, jaded femme fatale who entwines him in a plot hatched by the "Werewolves", a post-war terrorist group of rabid ex-Nazis who look to sabotage the reconstruction efforts of the Americans.

The film is very creatively done, with characters filmed in color playing against pre-shot black and white background screens. Check out the version recently released by Criterion. It is the definitive version.

Babe of the Week for November 6, 2009 is...

Elizabeth Lambert!!!


She receives this prestigious honor not because she's cute (although she is) but for her unrepentant fits of reckless and malicious goonery during a college semi-final soccer match against BYU. The University of New Mexico junior took the term "soccer hooligan" to unseen heights. The more I watch the highlights of this game the more I'm left thinking this young lady is an absolute maniac.

Her behavior is all the more outrageous because this type of stuff is hardly ever seen in female college athletics. AS you watch the video, you will see that some of the shenanigans were actually retaliatory in nature. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it justifiable in a "Dirty Harry " kind of way, and that's good enough for us here on "Busting Chops".



For the record I do not condone this type of behavior, but I enjoy watching it after the fact. Especially when it's young, beautiful, athletic women going at it. Elizabeth Lambert is my kind of broad, a feisty dame that doesn't take any shit from her opponents and knows how to execute a series of perfectly administered cheap shots with panache and gusto. And that's really all you can ask for in a young lady.

Congrats, mami-you're a straight-up soccer goon and I love you for it. Never has someone performed such unsportsmanlike acts on the soccer pitch and looked so good doing it. Absolutely mahvelous, dahling!!!

Film Recommendation of the Week...

Halloween is right around the corner, so here are two films that should be good for the occasion.

1) REC
Release date November 27, 2007 (Spain).
Spanish w/english subtitles.
Running time 1 hour 15 minutes.




Filmed in a pseudo-documentary style, complete with the annoying hand-held camera jitter, this movie follows a film crew on the night shift with the Barcelona Fire Department.

They answer a call at an apartment building that gets mysteriously sealed off-no one can get in or out by order of the police. The residents and the rescue workers are trapped as they fight for their lives against people who have become infected with some sort of virus and are attacking those who are healthy.

This is one of the creepier and scarier endings you'll see from a horror movie. Very well done.

This film never had an American release date in theatres-it went straight to video in the US. The producers sold the idea to a Hollywood company who made their own version called "Quarantine". This version is better. The American version failed to capture the essence of the original, the chica is cuter and not as annoying, and the American remake was a basically copied word for word. So spare yourself and check out the original. I know some people don't like reading subtitles, but you'll be able to deal with it even if you're special ed.

And if you couldn't get enough of the first one...

2) REC 2
Release Date October 2, 2009 (Spain).
Spanish w/english subtitles.
Running time currently n/a.




In this film, a Barcelona S.W.A.T. team, a medical expert and a camera crew are sent into the quarantined building to see what's going on and to ascertain what could of caused the outbreak of the virus. They are met by the rescue workers originally sent in left trapped inside, who are now infected themselves.

I cannot sit here and write a comparison between the two because I'm not a film critic. But I got to see it and enjoyed it very much. Definitely a sequel worthy of it's status. It debuted at the Toronto Film Festival on this side of the pond, and I'm hoping an American remake will not subjugate it to DVD status if it's released here in the States like the first one. That would suck.

Babe of the Week for October 23 , 2009 is...

Kelly Rowland!!!


I love this girl. She's beautiful, talented and has a great body. For those of you who've lived in outer space for the last 12 or so years, Kelly was a member of the girl-group "Destiny's Child" along with her more famous glamour girl counterpart Beyoncé Knowles. Here they are at Kelly's surprise birthday party recently-


She is a great singer in her own right, selling a few million albums as a solo artist. She was inexplicably dropped by her label, Columbia Records, for not being marketable enough (whatever THAT means-isn't that the job of someone at the label, to market the artist? What is a marketing department for?) but she will always have a lifetime contract here at "Busting Chops" for loooking mahvelous, dahling!!! Absolutely Mahvelous!!!

Film Recommendation of the Week...

To celebrate Rio de Janeiro getting the Summer Olympics, I present a film that captures the never-ending struggle between the dealers in the favelas and the underpaid, psychologically tormented cops that do battle against each other on a daily basis. It is an eye-opening account of the lengths the government goes to to ensure public safety during large-scale events in Rio.

Tropa De Elite
Release Date September 19, 2008 (USA).
Running Time 2 hours.
Portuguese w/english subtitles.




During the Pope's visit to Rio, the pontiff wanted to spend a night in one of Rio's infamous favelas (slums). It was up to BOPE, the city's elite squad of police officers, to ensure his safety and clear out the gangsters who would potentially cause trouble.
The story revolves around two rookies trying to make the cut and a squad leader who, at his wit's end with the never-ending cycle of violence and death, must choose his successor before leaving the squad for good. The squad leader is played by Wagner Moura (pictured below), one of Brazil's best young actors who's been featured in "Carandiru" and "Lower City". This guys brings it in every performance he gives, and it the main reason why this film is such a knockout.

Babe of the Week for October 16 , 2009 is...

ROSARIO DAWSON!!!


Yes, some may say she has a horseface and a smile reminiscent of a wide-mouth bass, but beauty is in the eye of the beerholder. And like the other latina discovered by Spike Lee, her looks are an acquired taste-certainly not for everyone, but good enough for us here at "BUSTING CHOPS".

And since I love dark-skinned latinas, I have no problems saying that SHE LOOOKS MAHVELOUS, DAHLING-ABSOLUTELY MAHVELOUS!!!