The Armstrong Fallout...

Lance Armstrong is going to face legal troubles stemming from the fallout of the USADA report that he probably thought he could avoid by the sheer force of his assholian will. Here is a quote from yesterday's NY Times article written by Ian Austen-

"On Friday [October 12, 2012], Jeffrey M. Tillotson, a lawyer in Dallas who represents SCA, said his client would attempt to regain the $7.5 million plus interest. "He [Armstrong] basically said we were scum and how dare we criticize him", Tillotson said. "So there is some measure of relief that we can now say that he didn't get away with it forever and, by the way, 'You owe us $7.5 million.'"

SCA is the insurance company Armstrong and his people contacted to basically bet on himself that he would win a then-record setting 6th straight Tour de France title. His lawyer, stumblebum Timothy J. Herman, has gone on the record stating that SCA has no legal recourse in recovering said monies paid out to Armstrong in this particular deal, which amounts to the original $5 million bonus plus $2.5 million in court costs and legal fees stemming from their first confrontation in court, where apparently everyone who testified lied their asses off.

But SCA begs to differ, on account that Armstrong perjured himself by saying he never doped during his cycling career. Now that we know that was bullshit, it will be interesting to see how this attempt flies. Whether or not SCA can sue will have to be determined by an independent arbitrator, but SCA is confident, given the circumstances that have arisen, they will be able to take Armstrong to court and win their money back, plus interest and court costs. They are reported looking for a total of $10 million juevos, but going forward with a lawsuit means having to wait until the UCI makes their decision to uphold the stripping of Armstrong's titles. The UCI have 21 days after receving the documents from the USADA to decide.

The Sunday Times of London also have Armstrong on their radar screen. Armstrong successfully sued the paper and two of their journalists in 2004 over an article that addressed accusations of Armstrong's'-then alleged doping. The paper was forced to issue an apology and the undisclosed amount of cash the paper had to settle with Armstrong for (which I shall disclose right now) was to the tune of $1 million dollars.

And guess what? they want their money back too, plus interest and penalties, just like SCA. Stay tuned, because these events are just words being thrown around for the time being. But I seriously doubt, with the amount of money at stake, that Sunday Times owner Rupert Murdoch is going to let this chance to be as big an asshole as Lance Armstrong slip through his grubby little fingers.

If anyone wants to donate to the Lance Armstrong Defense Fund, buy a t-shirt and show your undying love for the man who's made a mockery of our beloved sport-

The reason why I support gay marriage in every state except Texas-

The walls of the dining room at the United States Olympic Committee (USOC) are adorned with inspirational quotes from famous athletes. Lance Armstrong's bullshit was being removed when this photo was taken...

...to be replaced by a new portrait that better reflects his current standing amongst athletes all over the world-

Breaking news-I've just received confirmation that Johan Bruyneel has hired famed litigator Jackie Chiles to head the defense team for his arbitration hearing against the USADA-

From the information contained in the dossier I received on this matter, Chiles is going to ask one question to each witness, and one question only. Here is part of the transcript from the original deposition, where Chiles is cross-examining Levi Leipheimer on the witness stand-

Chiles-So Mr. Leipheimer, did you ever receive testosterone from my client Mr. Bruyneel in the form of a cream?

Leipheimer-Cream? No, it was more like a balm...

Chiles-Did my client tell you to put the balm on? Because I certainly didn't tell you to put the balm on!!! Who told you to put the balm on?

Leipheimer-What are you talking about?

Chiles-(clearly agitated) Do you even know what a balm IS?

Leipheimer-(startled and confused) Again, and with all due respect, what the fuck are you talking about?

Chiles-(ranting and raving) Your honor!!! I object!!! Let the record show that Mr. Leipheimer is LYING!!! My client DID NOT tell him to put the balm on!!! No one told him to put the balm on!!! Not Motoman, not The Maestro, NOBODY!!! I rest my case!!!

I don't know about you, but it sounds like a winning strategy to me...

(For those of you who are not familiar with the television comedy series "Seinfeld", I can't make you understand the analogy in 200 words or less. I cannot post the video directly, so here's the link)-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzowSs9mNOM