Sunday, March 6, 2011

Film Recommendation of the Week...

Un Prophete
Release date: August 26, 2009
Running time: 2 hours 30 minutes
French/Arabic/Corsican w/English subtitles

Another prison movie? What could this one possibly say without turning into a clich├ęd hackjob of ever other film dealing with this particular genre? Plenty, it turns out.

Malik El Djebena, an illiterate 19 year-old Frenchman of North African descent, is sent up the river on a six-year bid for attacking police officers. He becomes the unwilling pawn of a Corsican mobster named Cesar Luciani, who rules the prison with an iron grip. He is forced to assassinate a troublesome witness, whose memory haunts Malik for years afterwards. Over time Malik becomes Cesar's right-hand man, and with the additional freedom of prison furloughs Malik becomes a gangster on the outside, arranging deals for drugs inside the prison.

Betrayals and back-stabbings are par for the course in this world, but the interesting thing about this film is seeing a once young and ignorant oung man come into his own, eventually usurping his Corsican master in power and status until the old man is left with nothing and no one to cling to. Having ruled through intimidation, fear and violence, he is left a broken shell of his former self as Malik assumes his place in the prison hierarchy.

But freedom looms, and his eventual redemption at the hands of the family of a friend who succumbs to cancer becomes his saving grace. A powerfully revised rendition of the typical prison drama, with all the violence and treachery one comes to expect goes on in this netherworld. This is a definite must-see.

Babe of the Week for March 4, 2010 is...

Bree Olson!!!

Since we've been on serious "Sheen" mode lately here on "Busting Chops", I figured it was high time to pay homage as it were to one of Charlie's "Goddesses", adult film actress Bree Olson. What makes her unique is her relationship with Hollywood's most colossal ass clown, who despite the madness remains focused and on-point with his message. How he manages this AND gets in those 5 a.m. workouts is beyond me. Must be all that tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

She was the Penthouse Pet of the Month for March 2008-the same year she won for "Best Anal Scene" at the AVN Awards (when accepting such an accolade, who exactly does one thank?), has been featured on the cover of Hustler Magazine, and has over 170 adult films to her credit. Supposedly, she is first-generation Ukrainian and states that her biggest hero is her grandmother, who was a German concentration camp survivor. Nice way to honor her legacy there, Bree. But your poor grandmother's eternal shame has been Charlie Sheen's gain. And what's more important than that? By the way, if anyone is wondering, The Ukraine has some of the most stunning women I've ever seen-real, authentic blondes, not like this bleached-blonde bimbo with fake tits and even faker teeth. And they're not all whores. So if your looking for a mail-order bride, The Ukraine wouldn't be a bad place to start. That is, if you can find a good one before she gets kidnapped by an international sex trafficking ring, which seems to be one of this beleaguered country's biggest problems.

But hey, who are we to judge? This young lady, whose real name is Rachel Marie Oberlin, wanted to be a porn star from a very young age. I find it admirable whenever the youth of America set their sights on a goal and achieves them. A slacker she is not. Then again, "admirable" and "porn star" don't belong in the same sentence, but I'll save that for another time. The point here is to celebrate this beautiful, tanned, surgically-enhanced girl-next-door bombshell who, if anyone has seen her in action, leaves no doubt as to why Charlie Sheen wants her in his life. Not only is she an incredible performer, she loooks mahvelous, dahling-absolutely mahvelous!!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

BYU Men's Basketball...

Ah, good ol' BYU. In the heart of Mormon country, this devout religious university, with it's tradition of upholding it's strict personal conduct code, just laid themselves out like wholesale carpeting for an ass-thumping in the NCAA tournament later this month by suspending their best rebounder for the rest of the year. Brandon Davies, their 6'9" power forward and one of the few brothers on the team, also averaged a little over 11 points a game, no small feat considering their leading scorer, Jimmer Fredette, is a prolific and out-of-control chucker. This nut box has been given the green light to shoot whenever he wants, and his fits of offensive goonery are reminiscent of the runaway train in "The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3".

Of Jimmer, I can't really say I'm a fan. The guy is built like a Division-I wrestler, with the neck of a bullfrog and the hops of a wet noodle. He is a graceless buffoon who is painful to watch. His wretched dorkosity may make him a favorite on campus, with his "Ah, Shucks, I just work hard" demeanor masking a totally out-of-control game that is only effective when a coach throws out the playbook to let him go berserk. Yes, trot out all the old and tired stereotypes for this great white hope-he outworks everyone, he's determined to succeed, he's a gym rat-that's all very trite. It doesn't alter reality, the one thing that will keep him out of the NBA-put a long-limbed, athletic defender on him to counter his limited offensive repertoire and his game is over.

Yes, this team has a nice record against top-50 opponents, but that detail in and of itself is misleading. Once you get past the top 15-20, there is a pronounced dropoff in the level of competition. And in the NCAA Tournament, if BYU gets sent East, they'll be exposed for the type of team they are-one dimensional and lacking talent and athleticism. And now more than ever they are severely depleted in the front line because they caught Davies having out-of-wedlock sex with his girlfriend.

The sheer lunacy of this code of conduct in this day and age just illustrates how organized religion is beyond anachronistic. It fails miserably when addressing issues of human sexuality, damning nearly every act as a sin. Why? Because the more guilty you can make some confused 18-22 year-old about his/her sexuality, the faster the pews will fill up with acolytes praying for forgiveness. And what of the mantra of forgiveness? Certainly, if this young man decided to play under such medieval conditions he should be punished, but why suspend him for the rest of the year? Why run a Division-I athletic program and have a zero tolerance policy for something like this?

Well, it doesn't matter. I don't know if this young man will finish getting his degree at BYU, seeing as his name and likeness has already been removed from their website, but I hope he can put this incident in his rear view mirror and keep it moving. And I certainly hope he doesn't feel guilty about what happened, because the worse thing any institution should do is pry into a person's private affairs.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Charlie Sheen Chronicles...

I'm not so jaundiced as to pretend this latest series of free fall interviews by "Two and a Half Men" sitcom star Charlie Sheen is beneath us. In fact, it's right up our alley. Aside from the psychologically unhinged nature of the interviews themselves, I've found the coverage to be just as hilarious. The incessant quest towards some breakthrough insight from every corner of the media market that will somehow help us understand the deeper meaning of it all is just as funny as Sheen's Chernobyl-esque implosion. I'll spare you the trouble and let you know right now-there is no deeper meaning. What we are witnessing is the remnants of a drug and sex-fueled mental illness explosion that up until now had remained relatively in check in terms of public perception. No more.

Charlie Sheen is the poster boy for every entitled, rich brat motherfucker whose parents let him do whatever he wanted, a guy who came into this Earth with no moral pre-set spending limit; his libido, ego and id simultaneously allowed to run amok over every conventional limitation that exist to harness one's wildest impulses. He was born too good looking, too wealthy, talented enough to get steady work and with way too much access to gratuitous sex and recreational drugs. Except the sex and drugs went far beyond a recreation-they became a vocation. He worked only to get high and have enough money to overspend on porn stars that would have fucked him for free (herein lies the biggest irony of all). This is a guy who was kicked out of high school and was caught stealing his father's credit card to pay for hookers when he was 15 years of age (who says the youth of America have no direction?). Sheen knew what he wanted from an early age, and he sallied forth in the pursuit of all the drugs, alcohol, late-night parties and prostitutes it would take to satiate his intolerably immense appetite for the seedy side of life.

Sheen has spent most of his life gorging himself on the excesses of the good life. In between parties he acted in enough movies and TV series to bankroll the madness, and despite himself he was until very recently the highest paid actor on television, making $2 million dollars per episode, which is the equivalent of what Alex Rodriguez makes hitting into double plays for the New York Yankees.

During his latest interview with ABC news program "20/20", his twin sons were forcibly removed from his house by the police. Living with two whores would do that. One is a "model" who recently posed on the cover of a pro-marijuana magazine and the other a straight-up porn star (aptly nicknamed "The Goddesses"). The other thing could have been the drug-fueled escapades and episodes of violence that have made front line news all over the world.

Charlie Sheen has effectively shut down a top-rated situation comedy that is collectively losing a grand total of $250 million dollars. CBS has promised to pay the staff (but not the actors) for four of the eight missed episodes, but that's not good enough for Sheen. He also wants to get paid and plans to sue for as much as possible. He has also insulted the show's producer with a Jewish racial slur on a radio program. On top of all that he wants a 50% raise to 3 million dollars an episode.

It is clear this man has passed the point of no return. He's lived this type of life way too long to ever make the transition back to reality. The reality we mere mortals have to deal with-the boredom, the disappointments and frustrations of everyday life-is something he knows nothing about, and cynically mocks to no end. He's just going to get crazier and crazier, and the only thing that will cause a crash will be an overdose or the loss of his fortune. Being born a rich kid with matinee-idol looks with acting chops is usually a recipe for an amazing life. But Sheen decided to drag himself through the mud, giving in to his most crass, low-brow desires, all the while convincing himself while on this Vaseline-lubricated ride down Hades Highway that most men if given the opportunity would behave the same way, and any criticism from the public is just a frustrated expression of jealousy from people who would kill to live like him. We have witnessed his metamorphosis from Hollywood's eternal good-time party boy to a disturbingly bizarro-twin brother mutant of Travis Bickle, minus the taxi cab-

Charlie Sheen is a one-dimensional cartoon character who differs from the reality-show stars currently infecting the cable channels of America in that he actually has acting talent. Unfortunately reality TV is full of useless, vacuous slugs devoid of any redeeming qualities, and in this regard he is no different. Every time we turn around there is a new television show that garners massive ratings by culling the immense wellspring of material that lies of the bottom of the barrel of the human experience. These people are beyond mere swine wallowing in their own excrement. They do damage every time someone watches them on TV and thinks it's cool to be an utter and complete asshole, just as long as the cameras keep rolling. Worse than all this, that anyone with the audacity to criticize them is simply acting out a hatred based on jealousy that they are famous and we are not.

It has become increasingly difficult to fathom a world without these fleabitten vermin infecting our daily lives, from the proudly self-proclaimed Guido White Trash of "Jersey Shore" to the tiresome, bloated, gold-digging robo-whores of "NBA Wives". But the real damage that's done no one gives a shit about. Those poor kids who were brought into this world never asked to be cursed with a father like Charlie Sheen, who has devolved into a babbling, incoherent, stream-of-consciousness spewing, mentally warped, middle-aged mental patient whose youthful good looks are fast giving way to a wrinkled, decrepit pallor reminiscent of an embalmed corpse. My guess is (and I hope I'm wrong) those innocent, adorable twin sons of his will grow up and, lacking any real talent of their own, will take the low road and decide to cash in on their father's pathetic and dysfunctional infamy for a chance at becoming reality show baboons, getting high, trashing hotel rooms and cavorting with whores just like dad used to do before he died of a massive heart attack. Let's hope LA is under the fifty feet of water Nostradamus prophesied by the time that happens.

But if not, I'll make sure to stay tuned. Let's face it-who doesn't like watching a good car wreck?