Thursday, November 26, 2009

2009 Golden Turkey Awards

Yes, it's that time of year. Our first annual "Busting Chops" Golden Turkey Awards for despicable conduct detrimental to honesty, fair play and human decency. In other words, shit that makes you want to puke.

10) Allen Iverson

This is what Iverson said while on the back of the Memphis Grizzlies' bus on one of the three days he spent playing for them-

"I'm playing for a dumb motherfucking coach now just like I played for a dumb motherfucking coach last year".

And he has the audacity to wonder why no GM wants to take a chance on him. It's not just the statement, it's the timing. A pro for 14 seasons, he will be remembered as being one of the truly great competitors of the game, and one of the top-three little guys that ever played the game (relatively speaking, of course, in a league where the average height is 6'9") along with Nate "Tiny" Archibald and Isaiah Thomas.

His career averages are as follows-27 points, 6.2 assists and 2.2 steals a game. He has not lost a step, not even half a step. And still no one wants him. As much as I loved watching him play over the years, it's not his talent that's the problem, it's his attitude. Street cred? Can't cash a check with street cred now that he's gone the way of Latrell Sprewell and Stephon Marbury. Yet he has the nerve to say this-

"I always thought that when I left the game, it would be because I couldn’t help my team the way that I was accustomed to. However, that is not the case."

This is unfortunate, only because Iverson decided to adopt the hip-hop look of his generation with the cornrows, tattoos, and the occasional public beatings of his wife, where in one memorable instance he dragged her out of his house by her nappy hair in a leafy, exclusive Philadelphia gated community with no panties on, all the while slapping the shit out of her. Just like one would do to a crack whore who had the audacity to step out of pocket. He should of remembered that lifestyle is something he should of left behind when he was facing serious jail time for a riot he was involved with in a bowling alley back in Virginia while still in high school.

R.I.P. to Allen Iverson's basketball career. I'm sure come playoff time or even sooner someone will take a chance on him, but the writing's on the wall. The men who write the checks are sick and tired of players like him.

Runner Up-Steven Jackson of the Charlotte Bobcats, for showing such quintessential unsportsmanlike conduct while at Golden State that he gave up his position as team captain for absolutely no reason and shit-talked his way off a team that had recently signed him to a three-year extension in 2008.

9) Charlie Weis

The Notre Dame saga has gone long enough. Every interview Weis is asked, in a myriad of ways, the same questions-"how does it feel to be so close to getting fired? Why won't you just step down? What the fuck are you waiting for to pack your bags and split? Haven't you done enough to tarnish your reputation and that of the football program?" Apparently he doesn't think so.

And he sits there at every press conference, which always seem to be as cheerful as a funeral wake (wonder why he can't motivate his team? Just watch him do an interview-he's about as motivational as someone ordered to dig their own grave at gunpoint) with this hangdog look on his face, almost begging us to feel sorry for him. Well, He doesn't deserve pity. He deserves to get fired and never ever work the sidelines as a D-I college football coach ever again.

Weis brings in stellar recruiting class year after year, but can't do anything with them. He cannot beat any top-25 opponents, has lost to Navy (a glorified Division 3 program) two years running and can't coach his way out of a fucking paper bag. Notre Dame has itself to blame for hiring him. They were under the misconception that that anyone coming out from under Bill Belichick's vaunted tutelage is a mastermind. They also gave him a ridiculously long contract with a prohibitive buyout clause. It's going to be cheaper to keep this incompetent fat bastard, but they'll keep losing and underachieving.

So finally someone stepped in from the Athletic Department and canceled his West Coast recruiting trip. He has to return back to South Bend after losing to Stanford to answer for his abysmal performance. Well, there really is only one answer-get him the fuck out of there already and move on. I'm sick of looking at his Wally Walrus face. Anyone who has stomach surgery to lose weight AND KEEPS GETTING FATTER should never have been hired to lead young men into battle out on the gridiron.

He is the poster boy for incompetent white men who despite doing a horrible job get overcompensated. Unfortunately he will get recycled somewhere and will continue to make a killing. After his Mega Millions Lottery buyout from Notre Dame (thanks for doing a terrible job!!! Here's a check guaranteeing you'll never have to work hard another day in your life!!!) he will ride off into the sunset straight into another plum job despite being one of the worst coaches that ever walked the sideline At Notre Dame. Somewhere, Knute Rockne and the Gipper are rolling over in their graves wondering when someone is going to take a gigantic turkey baster and stick it up this guy's ass.

Runner Up-University of Kansas football coach Mark Mangino. The reasons for his inclusion have been documented in a previous edition here on "Busting Chops".

8) Thierry Henry/FIFA

This one is very simple. Thierry Henry, a striker/winger for the French National team, assisted on a goal that eliminated Ireland from qualifying for the World Cup. Even before the ball went into the goal, you will see from the video that the Irish players had protested the violation as soon as it happened. Not only that, but there was an off sides penalty that the officials also clearly missed right in front of the goal. One cannot put the blame on incompetent officiating. No indeed. With the gambling scandal that has been uncovered recently, said to involve the highest and most prestigious pro soccer divisions in Europe, we can suspect that the officials were on the take. Missing two blatant violations in such a crucial moment of the match indicates cheating.

The officials should be fired and investigated, but there is plenty of blame to go around. The culprits here are Thierry Henry and FIFA, soccer's governing body. First of all, Henry came out and stated the obvious, that there was a handball violation on his part and that the match should be rescheduled only after FIFA had made their ruling that the results would stand. After speaking to French National Soccer officials, he was cleared to admit the violation only after they knew that there would be no chance that FIFA would overturn their ruling.

Secondly there is FIFA. What would the gamblers, mafiosos and other assorted scumbags do without the governing body sticking it to the Irish on a game that had such serious ramifications? Let's face it, Ireland is not much of a powerhouse in ANY sport, and qualifying for the World Cup would of been HUGE for them. What better way to make sure they stay down than to cheat them out of the possibility of taking part in the world's biggest sporting event? FIFA, which in this case stands for Fuck Ireland in the Fucking Ass, has ruled to replay matches on other occasions for similar violations. But their bias in this instance is blinding.

This is not like Diego Maradona and the infamous "Hand of God" incident. The video technology we have today can be used to aid officials when they either miss or are not 100% sure of a certain call. At the very least it would give the opposing team an opportunity to challenge a controversial call. But FIFA does not allow instant replay. Why? Not because they are against technology but because they are against anyone or thing that would challenge their autonomy. What they say goes, right or wrong.

Runner Up-David Beckham and his obnoxiously anorexic, perpetually morbid twat of a wife Victoria, who despite the hoopla of signing for a US team has had no impact on increasing the sport's popularity in the states whatsoever.

7) Plaxico Burress-Street Cred Strikes Again

The incident happened last year, but it was resolved THIS year, so it made the cutoff for our awards ceremony. By walking into the Latin Quarter nightclub in New York City with a loaded, unregistered handgun and accidentally shooting himself in the thigh, this is what our boy Burress lost with that one bullet-

1) A newly signed, 35 million dollar contract over the next 5 years.

2) His stature as a Superbowl hero and employment with the New York Giants.

3) His future as an elite NFL wide receiver.

Burress' last game was on November 23, 2008. He was released by the Giants on April 3, 2009. He'll be in jail until at least the Spring of 2011, when he will turn 34. Not the age NFL teams throw big money and long-term contracts at. And like our good friends Allen Iverson and Michael Vick, Burress grew up in Virginia-home to some of the stupidest motherfuckers in professional sports.

But don't worry, Plaxico-you'll come out of this with your street cred intact, seeing as you'd have something to brag about while you're standing on the corner puffing weed with your homies and talking about how you held it down and represented while you were in prison. A man's gotta have something to be proud of in life, after all. And when you come home you can try to explain to your wife and kids why you couldn't provide them with a better life when you had a better opportunity then most to do just that.

6) Lance Stephenson

I hate to give this guy a Golden Turkey Award only because I have the distinct feeling that the people advising him are the true turkeys, but he seems on his way to fucking up a good thing. He could very well be another Brooklyn phenom out of Lincoln High School whose best years are behind him. Yes, he won the Big East Rookie of the Week last week, but if you look at his team's schedule the Cincinnati Bearcats don't play a decent team until December 30th when they face Connecticut. It is beyond me how Stephenson, who was supposed to be the best player ever coming out of Lincoln High School (some say better than Stephon Marbury and Sebastian Telfair) didn't wind up at a college program with a better pedigree.

But there are clues. One, his academics were weak. Two, a little something about an alleged molestation charge filed against him by a female student. Three, his family is a major hindrance. They've been charged with taking money under the table for the rights to film his junior year ( and got him in trouble due to an unauthorized visit to the UnderArmour company while on a recruiting visit to the University of Maryland that they recommended for him.

He has been getting an incredible amount of exposure for years now, and the adults in his life have done nothing to shield him from any of it because they too love the attention. First of all, here is the biggest issue going on with this young man-

College scouts do not agree with the above statement from the cover of "DIME" magazine that he was ready to be an NBA star at 17. I've heard major D-I scouts say that he lacks athleticism, has a weak perimeter game and will have trouble getting his shot off playing against bigger opponents whom he won't be able to out-muscle and intimidate like he did in high school.

He "dropped" 40 or so points on that NBA defensive wizard Jamal Crawford at some bullshit summer league game as a 15-year old and ever since then the hype has been out of proportion to his talents. If anyone out there follows street basketball in NYC, you know there have been plenty of five minute phenoms (Lenny Cooke, anyone?) who come and go for the same reasons-bad academics, lazy work habits, egos that don't match their skill sets and bad advice from, vultures posing as advisers. The main reason Stephenson was so good in high school, as hip-hop artist Fat Joe pointed out in one of the video segments shot for Lance's site, is there wasn't anyone near his age who could guard Lance. But in college, that's going to be different.

If he follows the advice of his financially strapped parents, he's going pro after one year because they want to live the dream (I can already see his father getting into trouble and divorcing his fat, ugly wife who looks like a cross between a hippopotamus and a wildebeest). But as far as development goes, I can't think of any player out there who could benefit more from staying in college at least three years than this guy.

He's got too many idiots around him telling him he's already a man. He's not. And he's not going to be an impact player in the NBA anytime soon. Just watching what happened to Telfair makes me think that the same thing will happen to Stephenson. I sincerely hope not, because I would love to see this cat succeed. Any fan of NYC basketball would.

5) LeGarrette Blount

I actually felt sorry for this guy when I watched the video of his behavior (what is referred to in the 'hood as "BEASTING"), but that's because I've been around guys who have behavioral issues all my life. Their impulse control is so poor they almost can't help themselves, and what shocks me is that stuff like this doesn't happen more often.

Come to find out Blount was on his way to a first-round selection in next year's NFL draft if he had a good year for the Oregon Ducks, but he quacked his way out of that and will be lucky if he gets an invite as an undrafted free agent. Too bad 'cause the guy has talent, but really-isn't there a pill for shit like this?

4) Ron Artest-Jack Ass In The Box

Artest, unlike a few of his "Malice at the Palace" brethren, has gotten a second lease on life and will more than likely wind up with an NBA championship ring sometime soon with the LA Lakers. Ironic as he was and still is the most retarded out of the bunch that were involved in the NBA's most infamous brawl. As for the others, they aren't doing so well. Jermaine O'Neil, one of the most versatile and talented big men of his generation, is a pathetic shadow of his former self and is running on fumes. It really is sad to see how far his game has fallen off.

Stephen Jackson rehabilitated himself somewhat by busting ass out in Golden State and getting himself a nice little guaranteed contract. But he too has never been farther away from a title, as he got himself traded to the pathetic Charlotte Bobcats for talking too much shit and criticizing management. And I almost forgot Ben Wallace, the one that helped initiate the madness that night in Detroit by going after Artest after a hard foul. Wallace administered a combination karate chop/choke hold on Ron-Ron that would of made P.J. Carlissimo reminisce about the good old days with Latrell Sprewell.

Even though Artest has kept himself out of any major problems since that brawl, he's still an idiot and rightfully deserves his Golden Turkey award. As soon as he signed with the Lakers, he stated how he has "hoodalized" the franchise. Just what they needed. And nothing compares to that appearance on Jimmy Kimmel where he sits through the whole interview practically naked. Yes, he was funny, but at what point does being "hoodalized" equate with the total and complete loss of one's dignity?

Runner Up-Jamal Tinsley, for being such an asshole that the Indiana Pacers essentially paid him NOT to go anywhere NEAR them and is currently still out there without a team interested in his services.

3) Julio Castillo-Take Me Out To The Brawl Game

How funny that this young man bears a striking resemblance to his special-ed twin brother separated at birth, Ron Artest-

He would of made the number one spot on our countdown, but that slot is hallowed ground. It takes an asshole of epic proportions to make it to the top of the Golden Turkey awards, but Castillo did not make it for lack of effort. He is the minor-league pitcher from the Dominican Republic who, during a bench-clearing brawl, let loose with some serious chin music that failed to reach it's intended target and instead beaned a fan sitting in the stands. This is him in the video, wearing number 32 in the gray uniform-

One can say that there are no rules in love and war, but a bit of decorum is of the essence when participating in a brawl of this nature. Don't swing bats, don't throw balls and don't grab anyone's jock, even if you're in the middle of a pile and no one would know it was you. The first two are way over the top and the last one should get you a lifetime ban from the game.

2) Theo Bos/The UCI

Check out this video. This is the biggest crock of bullshit I've seen in pro cycling in all my life. Theo Bos, the sprinter for the Dutch Rabobank team, grabs race leader Daryl Impey by the jersey and flings him into the barriers in this year's Tour of turkey (ironic given the title of this particular segment). The sheer recklessness and malice is only topped by the fact that such a kamikaze move also brought down the cyclist who initiated this heinous act. It seemed as if he did so while not caring one bit for his own personal safety. That is straight-up psychotic.

Worse than that, the assholes at the UCI, cycling's governing body, reviewed the video and concluded that Bos DID NOTHING WRONG. He was suspended for a month by his team and that was it. And to think he could of killed Impey with this dastardly display, it is beyond belief how Bos was not banned for at least a year without pay. Holy Fuck.
If you're looking to emphasize with Daryl Impey and would like to feel his pain, all you have to do is dive headfirst out of a car going 45 miles per hour wearing nothing but a cycling helmet, tight lycra shorts and a polyester blend jersey. Tuck and roll, bitch!!!

Runner Up-There is no runner up. This one is in a class all by itself.

1) Donte Stallworth

What exactly is one man's life worth? Well, the family of 59-year-old Mario Reyes isn't telling. Donte Stallworth, former wide receiver of the Cleveland Browns, ran Reyes over and killed him after a night of drinking. For this heinous crime, he got 30 days in jail. THIRTY DAYS. Whatever the financial settlement was (which doesn't affect Stallworths' pocket much because he had an umbrella policy to his auto insurance) it doesn't make it right when you consider how Plaxico Burress is spending two years in jail for shooting himself by accident and Stallworth is out free.

Stallworth has lost plenty, as he was released by the Cleveland Browns and may never play again in the NFL. But there is nothing funny or sarcastic to say about this. Stallworth should be behind bars for what he did. If there is any honor in this, it's that he at least admitted his wrongdoing and settled with the family without them having to hire a lawyer to drag this out in a civil suit. So kudos to Stallworth for doing the only right thing he could of done to address this very wrong situation.

This makes Donte Stallworth our Number One Golden Turkey Winner of the Year, edging out many other worthy candidates who, having done everything in their power to win the award, fell short due to the fact that their actions did not result in the death of an innocent, hapless victim.

Runner Up-Adam "Pacman" Jones, for conduct unbecoming to humanity and making a mockery of being born gifted enough to play football as a professional. An utter and absolute disgrace.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Babe of the Week for October 20, 2009 is...


Not only is this woman absolutely beautiful, talented and charming, she's also put out some amazing albums over the course of her career. Very few artists this famous have been able to keep a cap on their private lives, and she has had very little to do with the obnoxious paparazzi and public scandals. Good for her. Sade epitomizes and oozes class. There will never be another female artist like her.

And unlike Jennifer Lopez, she doesn't have to front like she's from somewhere she's not just for the sake of some cynical marketing ploy that an artist with no talent has to resort to when their biggest asset is their FAT PUERTO-RICAN ASS. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, listen to the song "Jenny form the Block". Castle Hill (where she grew up in a private house-not a tenement building-in a middle-class environment with two responsible, working parents in a stable, loving home) is NOT the South Bronx, where family dysfunction, crime and poverty have gotten the better of much smarter and more talented people than her. If she had lived on Cypress Avenue and 138th Street, that would be a different story. But Cypress Avenue and Castle Hill are as different from each other as The Upper East Side is to Somalia.

And I doubt "J-Lo" has ever had a Cheeseburger Deluxe at Crown Donuts over on 161st. Street and Walton Avenue. But as good as one of those sounds right about now, I'd trade it in any day for THIS type of deluxe...

Listening to any of her albums really is a pleasure, but "Love Deluxe" is definitely one of my all-time favorites. So here's to you, Sade-not only are you an amazing woman, but you loook mahvelous, dahling-ABSOLUTELY MAHVELOUS!!!

Check out her concert video-she and her incredible band are the real deal playing live!!!

Chill Out, Fat Boy!!! Damn!!!


University of Kansas coach Mark Mangino is having problems, and we all know that when things go bad at a Division 1 college program, the dirty laundry has a tendency of being exposed by disgruntled ex-players. Mangino is in the hot seat right now, and as you can see in the picture below it's not big enough for his fat ass-

It turns out his worst mistake is fielding a team that cannot compete with the success of the basketball program at Kansas. They can't even come close, and never have. There have been substantiated reports that the two squads frequently square off on campus and duke it out over this very issue at parties. But boys will be boys, and if you've ever passed by a schoolyard during recess, you will see the same sight during recess-the girls are playing, and the boys are fighting. That's just how it is. But some of the comments accredited to Mangino are clearly over the top, and illustrate that even dickhead football coaches can cross the line.

First of all, let's acknowledge the basic, fundamental fact that MOST IF NOT ALL football coaches are dicks. I had the pleasure of playing for some extremely good coaches who treated their players well. I was also able to see first-hand how coaches from opposing teams behaved, and this is going back to 7th grade. Most are assholes. This should not surprise anyone. This group of guys are a strange bunch and are not the type of people you would want your kids around otherwise. They make up a retarded, angry sub-group-a bunch of frustrated jocks who fell short talent-wise at the sports they themselves were obsessed with as players and now coach because they can't give it up. They love the sport, they just can't stand the motherfuckers they have to recruit to succeed-i.e. black players from the inner city.

This is the cultural dichotomy they must wrestle with on a daily basis, and in this instance Mangino falls woefully short. For most Division-1 coaches these stories go untold and are not made public, but in Mangino's case the cat has been let out of the bag. Here are a couple of gems from the article recently written by sportswriter Joe Schad-

Former Kansas wide receiver Raymond Brown, a senior last season, said Mangino would often "say personal, hurtful, embarrassing things in front of people." Brown cited two examples. He said that once, his younger brother had been shot in the arm in St. Louis. Then came a game.

"I dropped a pass and [Mangino] was mad," Brown said. "And I said, 'Yes, sir. Yes, sir.' The yelling didn't bother me. But then he said, 'Shut up!' He said, 'If you don't shut up, I'm going to send you back to St. Louis so you can get shot with your homies.' I was irate. I wanted to hurt him, to be honest with you."

Brown said another teammate had confided in the team that his father was an alcoholic and the player dreamed of becoming a lawyer.

"One day, [Mangino] said in front of the entire team, 'Are you going to be a lawyer or do you want to become an alcoholic like your dad?' " Brown said.

Said former Kansas wide receiver Marcus Herford, also a senior last season: "I remember that. Very vividly. [Mangino] would take your personal business and he would attack you with it. There's nothing wrong with being a disciplinarian. But there is a way to handle your players and keep them motivated. His way was to demotivate you and make you feel as low as you can go."

Herford said he was not surprised by the allegation Mangino had poked senior linebacker Arist Wright in the chest at a walk-through prior to the Oct. 17 Colorado game.

"I remember one time he grabbed [former offensive lineman] Anthony Collins and Anthony threw his arm down," Herford said. "I mean, to put your hands on another man? There is no reason to ever do that. And Anthony was very angry. Mangino was screaming. And Anthony was like, 'You're not going to do me like that.' "

Said Brown: "I don't know if poking and grabbing is physical abuse. Sometimes Mangino maybe goes over the edge. I have seen him run up to a player and push a player. Sometimes he gets in your face and you feel like, 'OK, now you're in my bubble.'"

Former Kansas linebacker Joe Mortensen, who was a captain on last year's team, said "[Mangino] was ruthless, to be honest with you."

"What goes around, comes around," Mortensen said. "We were afraid if we said something he would hurt us with the [pro] scouts. But these incidents were day after day after day for years. And now it's finally coming out."

Mortensen said Mangino told him he had been a bad friend to someone who had died. And that Mangino would repeatedly bring up his public intoxication citation.

"He told me he'd send me back to Oakland where I could be drinking out of a brown paper bag," Mortensen said. "He told me, 'You were a s---- friend to someone I knew that passed away.' He called me a bum. He showed me no respect. He told me he'd send me back to the ghetto. I'm not a victim. I'm a grown man. I never let Mangino get to me. But you know what? I'm not bitter. I loved KU and I never let him break me.

Nice, huh? Here are a few more gems from this fat bastard-

"He'd say things like, 'I'll send you back to the street corner where you came from,' " Herford said.

"He'd say, 'This is Kansas, you're not back home,' " Crawford said. "He'd say, 'You're not back with your homies. If you're not careful you'll be watching the game in the stands with your homies. You'll be back in that neighborhood.'

When I first read this article my first thought was, "What happened, coach? I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?" His punishment should not only be the loss of his job. In lieu of the cultural sensitivity training he sorely lacks, he should be made to play Santa Claus and have to rotate around to various crack houses in the very neighborhoods he goes to recruit players. He'll have to make changes to his costume, of course-a red doo-rag instead of the regular Santa hat, gold front tooth veneers and best of all, he'll have to wear his Santa pants so that his underwear is showing in the back.

Because really, what self-respecting ghetto thug would not want to take their picture sitting on Santa's lap for the Holidays? Especially when they might get recruited to play football? Instead of posing in front of a Christmas tree Mangino should be be forced to hold a pit bull on a chain in one hand and a cold 40-ounce bottle of Colt .45 in the other. How's that for cultural sensitivity training, ay Mangino, you fat fuck?. The problem is, he's so bloated that during any potential drive-by shooting he'll still get shot because if he falls to the floor his ass will stick out far enough to catch a bullet, even if he dives in front of a Mr. Softee truck for cover.

Having known the types of men who take on coaching as a profession, I can safely say some of these coaches are unwilling and unable to cross the cultural divide between their redneck, trailer park mentality and the inner-city youth they are in charge of teaching football and life lessons to. Mangino should get fired not because he's a despicable fat bastard, but because he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the young men he coaches. He's a horrendous role model, and you can't teach anyone anything if everyone knows you're a fucking dick.

And the Orange is saying-"Diantre!!! Mira pa' ya!!! Un gordito mas gordo que yo!!!"

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Film Recommendation of the Week...

Paranormal Activity

Release date October 16, 2009.
Running time 1 hour 26 minutes.

A couple of weeks ago I recommended what I thought was a great film for Halloween. Unfortunately, REC 2 has not, and probably will not, be released in the US. If it wasn't for the internet I would not have seen it, and it really is a great film to scare your girlfriend on a romantic date. But this one IS out in theatres as we speak, and I can say with a straight face it is worthy of the hype it's received.

Unlike the "Blair Witch Project" which it is often compared to, this film actually IS SCARY. It does not rely on the audience having to imagine anything, even though the special effects are primitive. In fact, this very aspect is what makes it so effective. To give you a brief synopsis, the female lead is being followed by a demon. We know this because there has been a history of these types of occurrences in her life. How the correlation is made in the movie is one of the most original pieces of storytelling I've seen in the creatively bankrupt world of Hollywood fright movies (You can stick SAW 6, 7, 8 all the way up to 15 right up your ass).

The film has two different endings. I have no idea if both are offered when you go to the theatre to see it. Both are good, but the original to me is better. Either one will not disappoint, though I must say the 2009 ending has definitely stolen elements from REC part 1. That's too bad, as this is as original a movie as I've seen in this genre. And of course, it's an independent film. Unfortunately, Hollywood is going for (you guessed it) a fucking part 2. In fact, the reason the original ending was changed was to offer a segué into a part 2.

I say leave it as it is. It stands on it's own two feet as a great horror movie. Why ruin it with an unimaginative, cookie-cutter sequel that will underwhelm, underperform and ruin the legacy of the original? Why? Because that's what the corporate whores of Hollywood get paid to do for a living, that's why. Here's the unfortunate press release-

On October 25, 2009, Paramount Pictures announced plans for a sequel. Viacom CEO Philippe Dauman told on November 3, 2009-

The movie has been one of those surprise hits that comes along only rarely. Given that a follow-up release wouldn't have the same element of surprise as "Paranormal," it will be key to craft a smart approach to a sequel, he said.

This is my favorite part of the press release-

"Our team will come up with the right creative and marketing approach," he told analysts.

No they won't. Anyoen remember "Blair Witch 2"? Absolutely horrendous. But before this one gets turned into another Hollywood fast-food franchise, let's enjoy a great film. Go see it. You will not be disappointed.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Babe of the Week for November 13, 2009 is...

Sarah Silverman!!!

Yes, the hottest, funniest young woman Jimmy Kimmel will EVER date, even if he lives as long as one of those old guys from The Bible. They were allowed to have a hundred or so wives, but I'll trade in all those dusty Old Testament hoes for this hottie right here. Word up.

She has her own show on HBO (The Sarah Silverman Show), does great stand-up comedy and EVERYONE of those disgusting Hollywood executives (you know, the ones who would never get laid if it weren't for casting couches and prostitutes) wants to screw her. But she didn't get to where she is on her back, that's for sure. She has talent, and it's all the more reason to celebrate her on "Busting Chops". So here's to you, Sarah-YOU LOOOK MAHVELOUS, DAHLING-ABSOLUTELY MAHVELOUS!!!

Supposedly Jimmy Kimmel suffers from narcolepsy. How could you possibly sleep on her, Jimmy? HOW?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Come On, Sammy-WTF?

Stop this right now, Sammy. Please. You look like a fucking clown.

I understand-everybody does at least one thing that others would consider strange. It's your life, and if you're not hurting anyone else with malicious intent, then I say feel free to live as you wish. But really, what the fuck is this?

The dude already has his millions. Steroids or no, his story is pretty incredible, especially given the fact that I've visited the Dominican Republic many times and have seen the poverty some of these people live in up close. It is ghastly.

If you're dirt poor, there is literally no way out for you on that island. Others may disagree, but take my word for it-if you grew up shining shoes as a kid and make it to the major leagues to become a star like Sosa did...well, you have to take your hat off to him. Besides, he wasn't doing anything anyone else was doing and Major League Baseball looked the other way while it was (and probably still is) going on.

He has to be credited for breathing life back into baseball after the disastrous lockout, and anyone who witnessed The Summer of '98 will never forget the excitement in the streets of Washington Heights as finally one of their own was in the spotlight. He was greeted as a hero when he went back to the DR that year, and rightfully so. He gave hope to a lot of people that have very little of it. Let's not forget any of this when you take his full story into account.

But this really isn't ABOUT baseball. It's about something so ridiculously vain and sad that even I can't believe it. We can forgive some of the excesses of Dominican professional baseball players, who to a man all come from grinding poverty. Pedro Martinez with his yellow Lamborghini, riding on roads ill suited for anything but the sturdiest ATV (or army-issue tank, for that matter). Albert Belle, who constructed a gigantic moat around his house. And even Sosa, who instructed his architect to build the interior entrance of his mansion exactly like the mahogany staircase in the movie "The Titanic". All three thousand square feet of it. And that's just the ENTRANCE.

Supposedly Sosa isn't really welcome amongst the Dominican elites, the old-money blue-bloods who are for the most part Caucasian in appearance, as are the majority of the upper-crust in every Latin American country. It is reasonable to expect that someone as prestigious as he would want to become a part of that society, after all it is HIS country we are talking about.

But he is looked down upon because he was a shoeshine boy from the streets, with no education and no breeding to speak of and made his money as a "pelotero", which is held in high regard only by the lower classes, the ones who see baseball as THEE ONLY WAY to a better life. It's his background these people find low-brow and objectionable, not just the color of his skin, the texture of his hair or the color of his eyes.

In this particular case everything he stands for is held against him. And straightening his hair, wearing lime-green contacts and bleaching his skin isn't going to change that. He just winds up looking like a jive-ass turkey with serious racial identity issues. I'm kind of hoping this isn't the case, but the explanations offered so far seem utterly without credibility.

He is supposedly undergoing skin rejuvenation treatments. He is supposedly using a European night cream meant to help repair the damage done by years of playing in the sun. Others have cynically remarked that he is suffering from Vitiligo from all the steroids he's ingested over the years.

Whatever it is, he looks like a buffoon. Not just for the skin bleaching (who was the doctor that supervised these treatments? Dr. Mengele?) but for the terrible hair straightening and the abysmal colored contacts. At this stage of the game, does anyone really think colored contacts look natural? I've yet to see anyone wearing them that look even remotely authentic.

We love you just the way you are, Sammy-a lying, steroid abusing, I don't speak english in front of Congressional Committees, fun-loving doofus who entertained us when we were ready to turn our collective backs on our very own national pastime. You, along with the other steroid puppy Mark McGuire saved baseball whether anyone wants to admit it or not. That is the truth. Probably the only grain of truth in this proud man's stunning career.

But it just goes to show you how silly WE are. We can forgive THIS transformation-

But not THIS one?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Film Recommendation of the Week...

Release date May 22, 1992 (United States).
English/german w/english subtitles.
Running time 1 hour 52 minutes.

A film noir classic in every sense of the word. This is the tale of a young German/American who goes to Germany immediately after WWII to help the country rebuild. Naive, lonely and easily lead astray by (you guessed it) a beautiful babe, he gets caught up in the tangled psychological web of a cynical, jaded femme fatale who entwines him in a plot hatched by the "Werewolves", a post-war terrorist group of rabid ex-Nazis who look to sabotage the reconstruction efforts of the Americans.

The film is very creatively done, with characters filmed in color playing against pre-shot black and white background screens. Check out the version recently released by Criterion. It is the definitive version.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Babe of the Week for November 6, 2009 is...

Elizabeth Lambert!!!

She receives this prestigious honor not because she's cute (although she is) but for her unrepentant fits of reckless and malicious goonery during a college semi-final soccer match against BYU. The University of New Mexico junior took the term "soccer hooligan" to unseen heights. The more I watch the highlights of this game the more I'm left thinking this young lady is an absolute maniac.

Her behavior is all the more outrageous because this type of stuff is hardly ever seen in female college athletics. AS you watch the video, you will see that some of the shenanigans were actually retaliatory in nature. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it justifiable in a "Dirty Harry " kind of way, and that's good enough for us here on "Busting Chops".

For the record I do not condone this type of behavior, but I enjoy watching it after the fact. Especially when it's young, beautiful, athletic women going at it. Elizabeth Lambert is my kind of broad, a feisty dame that doesn't take any shit from her opponents and knows how to execute a series of perfectly administered cheap shots with panache and gusto. And that's really all you can ask for in a young lady.

Congrats, mami-you're a straight-up soccer goon and I love you for it. Never has someone performed such unsportsmanlike acts on the soccer pitch and looked so good doing it. Absolutely mahvelous, dahling!!!