Chill Out, Fat Boy!!! Damn!!!

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University of Kansas coach Mark Mangino is having problems, and we all know that when things go bad at a Division 1 college program, the dirty laundry has a tendency of being exposed by disgruntled ex-players. Mangino is in the hot seat right now, and as you can see in the picture below it's not big enough for his fat ass-


It turns out his worst mistake is fielding a team that cannot compete with the success of the basketball program at Kansas. They can't even come close, and never have. There have been substantiated reports that the two squads frequently square off on campus and duke it out over this very issue at parties. But boys will be boys, and if you've ever passed by a schoolyard during recess, you will see the same sight during recess-the girls are playing, and the boys are fighting. That's just how it is. But some of the comments accredited to Mangino are clearly over the top, and illustrate that even dickhead football coaches can cross the line.

First of all, let's acknowledge the basic, fundamental fact that MOST IF NOT ALL football coaches are dicks. I had the pleasure of playing for some extremely good coaches who treated their players well. I was also able to see first-hand how coaches from opposing teams behaved, and this is going back to 7th grade. Most are assholes. This should not surprise anyone. This group of guys are a strange bunch and are not the type of people you would want your kids around otherwise. They make up a retarded, angry sub-group-a bunch of frustrated jocks who fell short talent-wise at the sports they themselves were obsessed with as players and now coach because they can't give it up. They love the sport, they just can't stand the motherfuckers they have to recruit to succeed-i.e. black players from the inner city.

This is the cultural dichotomy they must wrestle with on a daily basis, and in this instance Mangino falls woefully short. For most Division-1 coaches these stories go untold and are not made public, but in Mangino's case the cat has been let out of the bag. Here are a couple of gems from the ESPN.com article recently written by sportswriter Joe Schad-

Former Kansas wide receiver Raymond Brown, a senior last season, said Mangino would often "say personal, hurtful, embarrassing things in front of people." Brown cited two examples. He said that once, his younger brother had been shot in the arm in St. Louis. Then came a game.

"I dropped a pass and [Mangino] was mad," Brown said. "And I said, 'Yes, sir. Yes, sir.' The yelling didn't bother me. But then he said, 'Shut up!' He said, 'If you don't shut up, I'm going to send you back to St. Louis so you can get shot with your homies.' I was irate. I wanted to hurt him, to be honest with you."

Brown said another teammate had confided in the team that his father was an alcoholic and the player dreamed of becoming a lawyer.

"One day, [Mangino] said in front of the entire team, 'Are you going to be a lawyer or do you want to become an alcoholic like your dad?' " Brown said.

Said former Kansas wide receiver Marcus Herford, also a senior last season: "I remember that. Very vividly. [Mangino] would take your personal business and he would attack you with it. There's nothing wrong with being a disciplinarian. But there is a way to handle your players and keep them motivated. His way was to demotivate you and make you feel as low as you can go."

Herford said he was not surprised by the allegation Mangino had poked senior linebacker Arist Wright in the chest at a walk-through prior to the Oct. 17 Colorado game.

"I remember one time he grabbed [former offensive lineman] Anthony Collins and Anthony threw his arm down," Herford said. "I mean, to put your hands on another man? There is no reason to ever do that. And Anthony was very angry. Mangino was screaming. And Anthony was like, 'You're not going to do me like that.' "

Said Brown: "I don't know if poking and grabbing is physical abuse. Sometimes Mangino maybe goes over the edge. I have seen him run up to a player and push a player. Sometimes he gets in your face and you feel like, 'OK, now you're in my bubble.'"


Former Kansas linebacker Joe Mortensen, who was a captain on last year's team, said "[Mangino] was ruthless, to be honest with you."

"What goes around, comes around," Mortensen said. "We were afraid if we said something he would hurt us with the [pro] scouts. But these incidents were day after day after day for years. And now it's finally coming out."

Mortensen said Mangino told him he had been a bad friend to someone who had died. And that Mangino would repeatedly bring up his public intoxication citation.

"He told me he'd send me back to Oakland where I could be drinking out of a brown paper bag," Mortensen said. "He told me, 'You were a s---- friend to someone I knew that passed away.' He called me a bum. He showed me no respect. He told me he'd send me back to the ghetto. I'm not a victim. I'm a grown man. I never let Mangino get to me. But you know what? I'm not bitter. I loved KU and I never let him break me.

Nice, huh? Here are a few more gems from this fat bastard-

"He'd say things like, 'I'll send you back to the street corner where you came from,' " Herford said.

"He'd say, 'This is Kansas, you're not back home,' " Crawford said. "He'd say, 'You're not back with your homies. If you're not careful you'll be watching the game in the stands with your homies. You'll be back in that neighborhood.'

When I first read this article my first thought was, "What happened, coach? I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?" His punishment should not only be the loss of his job. In lieu of the cultural sensitivity training he sorely lacks, he should be made to play Santa Claus and have to rotate around to various crack houses in the very neighborhoods he goes to recruit players. He'll have to make changes to his costume, of course-a red doo-rag instead of the regular Santa hat, gold front tooth veneers and best of all, he'll have to wear his Santa pants so that his underwear is showing in the back.

Because really, what self-respecting ghetto thug would not want to take their picture sitting on Santa's lap for the Holidays? Especially when they might get recruited to play football? Instead of posing in front of a Christmas tree Mangino should be be forced to hold a pit bull on a chain in one hand and a cold 40-ounce bottle of Colt .45 in the other. How's that for cultural sensitivity training, ay Mangino, you fat fuck?. The problem is, he's so bloated that during any potential drive-by shooting he'll still get shot because if he falls to the floor his ass will stick out far enough to catch a bullet, even if he dives in front of a Mr. Softee truck for cover.

Having known the types of men who take on coaching as a profession, I can safely say some of these coaches are unwilling and unable to cross the cultural divide between their redneck, trailer park mentality and the inner-city youth they are in charge of teaching football and life lessons to. Mangino should get fired not because he's a despicable fat bastard, but because he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the young men he coaches. He's a horrendous role model, and you can't teach anyone anything if everyone knows you're a fucking dick.

And the Orange is saying-"Diantre!!! Mira pa' ya!!! Un gordito mas gordo que yo!!!"