Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Fall of the House of Armstrong Pt. III...

Ah, the Lance Armstrong fanboys. Those semi-literate hyenas who troll the internet looking to pitch their tents, hoist their flags and stand tall against anyone who dares to say disparaging word about their homosexual man-crush. The fits of internet goonery this cocksucker incites (moreso now that he is that much closer to being indicted) has been a sight to behold. But it's all about to end, and end badly, and the fan-boys are up in arms. Just read the comments left on Tyler Hamilton's Facebook page right after the 60 Minutes interview and it's easy to see the violent reactions to his allegations that border on the insane.

These internet zombies are all over the place, on every cycling forum and any other place where their hero is discussed. Public Strategies is a company that has been accused of sending paid trolls to infiltrate these sites to infect the world with their drivel, and all one has to do is check out a site called facts4lance.com to see that these vermin do not intend to go quietly into that good night (the site was taken down shortly after it was painfully obvious that it had the opposite effect of it's intention, which was to muddy the waters with the most inane set of half-truths and downright lies this side of the Watergate investigation. G. Gordon Liddy would have been proud...).

As for the direction the investigation has taken, it is clear that Armstrong will once and for all be exposed as not only a fraud and a cheat, but the biggest fraud and cheat we've seen in the history of pro cycling. No other cyclist has enriched himself the way he has via his relationships with corporate sponsors, paid speaking engagements, and race appearance fees that have netted him untold millions of dollars. He's done this all on the backs of the cancer community, whom he supposedly champions but cynically uses as a ruse to perpetrate a world-wide iconic status that is in direct conflict with the asshole he's been his whole life.

The cancer community doesn't need as it's hero a fake, steroid-engorged, vindictive, bitter prick who lies, cheats, holds grudges, executes petty vendettas and uses the disease to operate some bullshit cancer advocacy group that rakes in millions in donations and produces nothing but vaporware that emanates straight out of Armstrong's rear end. Anyone who makes apologies for this scheming turdball is as pathetic as they come, the equivalent of the cheerleader who still wants to be invited to the prom by the captain of the football team even after infecting her with herpes.

This is the best way I can describe his fanbase. Their collective retardation boggles the mind. I always thought groupie behavior was the sole confine of disgustingly insecure and vacuous females looking for attention and validation, but it seems as if the men have gotten in on the act. For Armstrong isn't just a sporting figure to his fans, he is their messiah.And lets' not forget these aren't teenagers screeching over their latest celebrity crush. These motherfuckers are grown-ass men with families and jobs.

The pagan God of worship in America isn't money or success, it's fame. Because in a land where there is supposedly no rigid class structure, the dividing line is fame. Armstrong has been a corporate Juggernaut ever since he's sold the cancer community the notion that he was out to achieve sporting success at the Tour "for them", and the idiots bought it. He is revered by the Wall Street yuppies who despite having it all wish they were young and talented enough to be revered as a sporting deity. The private jets aren't enough. The lavish lifestyles and $5,000-a-night hookers aren't enough.They all wanted to be like Lance.

So do the aging yuppies for whom cycling isn't just a sport but a way to remind themselves they don't already have one foot in the grave, these frustrated tiny-dick bastards who harbor a deep-seated resentment towards society because they didn't turn out to be as awesome as they were told they could be in this great land of opportunity. You can have money, but what fun is it if no one recognizes you walking down the street?

Suddenly the floodgates opened and there he was, a beacon of light in a world of perpetual mediocrity for the babbling minions to devour-the Caucasian boy wonder, the most determined, hardest-working AND most physically  gifted cyclist since the great Eddy Merckx. At least that's what Chris Carmichael kept telling everyone. Carmichael, another whore of epic proportions, a man who's made a career out of trimming the follicles from Lance's one remaining testicle, who should not be training anyone much less profiting from cycling after his involvement with the US National Cycling team of the early 1990's.

So the trolls work their magic, spewing venom and vitriol at anyone who dares to question "the myth", and a myth it is. During the Dateline interview with Floyd Landis, Betsy Andreu was interviewed about the infamous hospital incident, where Armstrong was asked by one of the doctors in attendance whether he had used PEDs before he got sick. he rattled of this list-

1) EPO
2) Testosterone
3) Steroids 
4) Growth Hormone
5) Cortisone

This is the crap he was polluting his body with BEFORE he got cancer. He is also alleged to have researched an unapproved drug called HemAssist that never made it to the final stages for approval, thus never came to market, but was able to purchase the remaining stock and use it during his comeback. What kind of colossal asshole researches doping products while he's receiving chemo for cancer? His fanboys and apologists will go to extreme lengths to justify his behavior, and there is a reason for this besides blind hero worship.

Herein lies the eternal hypocrisy-average, everyday people fueling a multi-billion dollar PED industry in the United States, ingesting tons of steroids for the sheer sake of vanity, meanwhile demonizing sports figures who use these same drugs because it goes against the concepts of "fair play" and "level playing field", two of the most bullshit phrases in the English language. And the hypocrisy extends only to their favorite sports heroes, who they "identify" with-

The above photos say itall. For those of ou who aren't rabid cycling fans and cannot make the connection, the two Italian cats in the first picture (Leonardo Piepoli and the reviled Ricardo Ricco)  were busted for using CERA, a third or fourth generation blood oxygen booster, in 2008. Their feats of strength during that year's Giro D'Italia and Tour de France, until they got busted, was a drug-induced sight to behold. The next photo are two of the oldest riders in the pro peloton shredding the field at this year's Tour of California, Chris Horner and Levi Leipheimer. These two superannuated career dopers were actually favored as dark horse contenders coming into the Tour de France this year, whilst riding against riders 12-17 years YOUNGER. And do you know why hardly anyone batted an eye to their performances? Because in in this sport, two guys who come across as "All-American" (insert implied reference HERE) will always get the benefit of the doubt, regardless of how ridiculous their feats are especially when compared to their age.

If you take a close look at the pharmaceutical steroid industry in the United States, it is driven by anti-aging clinics writing prescriptions to aging yuppies who want to stay young and corporate type-A personalities who want to have an "edge" on their cohorts and the rest of society. These are the same jag-offs of who show up at master's category races with muscles bulging from HgH and testosterone and tell the world they've achieved their fitness through hard work and a healthy lifestyle-any lie is worth telling as long as it makes them feel superior to the next man. So it makes sense that they refuse to admit that steroid use bothers them because it doesn't. So what Armstrong doped? Apparently he doped better than the rest of the field, so their justification is the best athlete still won fair and square.

This is the Livestrong Hero in a nutshell. One nutshell, to be exact. This is the man for whom all manner of other-worldy qualities are attached simply because he is the Caucasian Superman every pathetic, anonymous yuppie in the United States wants to be but isn't. It turns out that Armstrong isn't either. So they are out in full force defending their man, with all manner of tactics-attacking fellow posters, feigning righteous indignation that the haters are so obsessed, that the investigation is a waste of taxpayer money, that anyone who has spoken out against him is nothing but a jealous loser with an axe to grind or an agenda to execute, the list is endless.

The Armstrong Myth will not die. It has to be taken out with the truth, which hopefully will fill the void from all the lies he's been spewing for years and years. I imagine the scene will be reminiscent of the death of former Colombian cocaine kingpin Pablo Escobar, who despite his obscene wealth wound up hunted like a rat bastard and died on a rooftop of a nondescript neighborhood in MedellĂ­n. Except it will be the Feds posing over the dead, bloated carcass of the remains of the House of Armstrong, built on stilts made of fraud, deceit, arrogance and a hubris that rivals the biggest crooks that ever walked the Earth. My hope is that his fawning legion of rabid fanboys jump into the abyss along with him. It will be a welcome relief, and one that is long overdue.

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