Thursday, August 6, 2009

Presenting-The Stumbling, Bumbling Omar Minaya!!!

Oh, the sheer jackassery of it all!!!

Jesus Christ Almighty. If you are the head of a major sports team and you need a front-office employee to make a total fool of not only himself but also the entire organization, Omar Minaya is your man.

First of all, what major league baseball team holds a press conference to announce the firing of some underling no one's ever heard of? And by the general manager, of all people? Why couldn't they just shoot out a communiqué to the press and be done with it?

I'll tell you why...because Omar Minaya is an asshole. He set up this press conference for the sole purpose of throwing NY Daily News beat writer Adam Rubin under the bus, to humiliate him and make him look like he uncovered this story purposely to get Tony Bernazard fired so that he could take his position in player development. Tony Bernazard got himself fired, first of all. Whatever team he was in charge of(the Minnesota Ass Quacks, I believe their name is) were underachieving to say the least.

So what does this moron do? He takes his shirt off in the locker room and challenges players to a fight. Bernazard should know better than this-only major league clubhouses come equipped with MMA octagons. That was his first blunder. His second was to challenge a bunch of 20-something year old 'roid heads to a fight. They may not be able to hit a curve ball on the minor league level, but I'll bet you they can knock a shit-talking puerto-rican deep into the outfield bleachers. Then again, if I were Bernazard I'd be mad too if my baseball card was worth only 15 cents on the open market. And to think I stupidly traded two Biff Pocorobas and a Pete Lacock for this fucking loser...boy did I get robbed.

After reading this article on Omar Minaya from Sports Illustrated, I got the unsettling feeling that this guy is a lower-case Bud Selig-a good schmoozer, a guy whose real talents lie in kissing the right behinds and creating consensus amongst the right people to position himself advantageously.

Because the moves he's made have to be questioned-

1) Signing washed-up, over the hill(and into the valley) ballplayers who never contributed to the cause. Julio Franco-come on with this motherfucker. This is a guy who ADMITS to being 50 years old, and he's Dominican? You can safely add another 3-5 years to is birth certificate and you may be getting warm. Franco is so old he used to baby sit Minnie Minoso, for cryin' out loud.

2) Overpaying for players like Pedro Martinez and Carlos Beltran. There's a reason why Boston didn't offer Martinez a guaranteed fourth year-he was getting older, and they knew that his off-season conditioning program consisted of dead lifting Presidente beers and bench-pressing roast pork sandwiches in the Dominican Republic. This is what the Mets got for their 4-year, 53 million dollar investment-

32 wins, 23 loses in 79 starts, and a 3.88 ERA.

Those stats are enough to get any GM in the major leagues fired-but not Omar. By the time Martinez was finished, he wound up getting wheeled out of Shea Stadium in a full body cast. The guy can barely throw in the mid-80's, his physique resembles that of an overstuffed squirrel hanging in some taxidermist's office, and has the audacity to be upset with the Mets for not re-signing him. This retard has gotten hit in the head with too many fucking mangoes over there in the DR.

Carlos Beltran was not, is not, and never will be the superstar franchise player the Mets paid for. They outbid THEMSELVES by an extra 27 million dollars, all over the euphoria caused by ONE playoff performance when he was with the Houston Astros in which he overachieved mightily. He was never a consistent power hitter, he never hit for high average and was not known as a clutch performer. So what was Minaya thinking when he signed these two to these heavy contracts?

Injuries happen to all ball clubs, but not like they do to the Mets. And it's not because they sign too many latin ballplayers, it's because they sign too many latin ballplayers who are past their prime. And for whatever reason, Davis Wright and Jose Reyes are playing like they are warming up for Old Timer's Day. What's their excuse? If Ed Kranepool was latino, Minaya would of signed him to a minor league contract by now.

Which brings me back to Minaya. His press conference was so embarrassing it seemed as if he took a public speaking course from Porky Pig. It was the most inarticulate, poorly phrased press conference that you'll ever see from a person in such a position. Here is but a portion of this masterpiece...

This is par for the course for Omar. The press conference announcing the termination of then-manager Willie Randolph was even worse. No one knew what the hell he was talking about and it would take him three sentences of rambling, constantly repetitive nonsense to say what would of taken a trained seal three words. This type of "jackassery"(yes, "jackassery" is a word-don't play me in Scrabble, 'cause I've plenty more where that came from) does not get you fired in the world of pro sports. No, it gets you a contract extension.

There is no other word to describe this type of buffoonery. He is writing a book tentatively called "How to spend like the Yankees and perform like the Nationals". The other title being considered is "How to set Affirmative Action back 50 years in three easy steps". Omar Minaya-one giant step for man, one astounding leap for underachieving, overcompensated idiots everywhere. And you don't have to be latino to appreciate the irony.

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