Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tiger Woods...

Ah, Tiger-so he's human after all. It's not enough that he is the best golfer the world will ever see, that is until genetic engineering allows scientists to manufacture elite athletes in a lab.

It's not enough that he married one of the finest white women in the world, and went to Scandinavia to get her. Turns out his Nordic Homecoming Queen can swing a golf club as well, but she bogeyed on par nine the morning of November 27th, sending his SUV reeling into a fire hydrant. That's some ghetto shit right there, going after your man with a golf club and smashing the rear window as he attempts in vain to escape.

Hell hath no fury like a hoochie scorned-

A woman goes straight to "US" magazine with alleged proof of an affair with Woods, along with salacious text messages supposedly received from him. Here is Jaimee Grubbs in her own words-

"He always said to me, 'I don't have time for other women,'" the 24-year-old L.A. cocktail waitress, who appeared on VH1's Tool Academy, told Us of her romance with Woods. "But I knew, in the back of my mind, there could never be just us. There would always be the wife, or somebody else."

(Which begs the question-if she knew this, why did she mess with him knowing the relationship would go nowhere? Why was she expecting more than an occasional booty call and some gifts?)

Poor, delusional little whore. My heart goes out to this loser, who worked as a cocktail waitress (emphasis on the word "COCK") when she met Tiger and was also employed dishing out legalized medical marijuana in California. Now, if you were to put those jobs on a resumé, then you would realize why this clown would jump at the chance to be at the side of a rich, powerful man. She dared to entertain thoughts that Woods would parlay an affair with her into something permanent.

And here to lend her infinite wisdom on the subject is Ashley Dupre*, the robo-twat from the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal (and I quote)-

*(Disclaimer-I usually don't go to a ho for my philosophical musings on infidelity, but I felt her insight is essential in this case.)

"Here you have all these girls accepting gifts, money, trips from Tiger in exchange for sex-all the while knowing he is married. And now they all can't wait to tell their stories in exchange for even more money from the tabloids?

"And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut."

It's not the first time Dupre-the high-priced call girl whose $4,300 tryst with "Client No. 9" led to the political downfall of Gov. Eliot Spitzer-has gone on such a rant.

In September, she also railed against all the women who passed judgment on her, despite their own mercenary relationships with monied men.

"I'm often referred to as the 'woman who brought down the governor'-excuse me, people, I didn't call the tabloids," Dupre said then.

"I didn't blow the whistle, and I didn't save 'the dress,' " she wrote, a reference to Monica Lewinsky. "I did nothing to shine a light on my indiscretions or to 'out' anyone else."

So Dupre asks, "Who is the "REAL HO?
Someone who fucks you,takes your money, and shuts the fuck up..... or someone who FUCKS you and then makes money TALKING about it?"

As for who the real ho is in the above scenario, they both are.

Dupre needs to come to the realization that there are no distinctions or gradations of severity in the ho game. If you take cash to fuck someone, you're a ho. Anything else that happens within the confines of such employment doesn't make it any more or less what it is. I really can't stand how women like Dupre sit in front of Dianne Sawyer getting interviewed like she's some head of state when all she's famous for is sucking cock and taking it up the ass for money.

And for those who think she was an angel before the Spitzer scandal, guess again. Here she is posing like the hoochie she is as a 17-year-old party girl in Florida during Spring Break 2002. These pictures come courtesy of the illustrious, hard-working staff at "Girls Gone Wild"-(click on the photo to engorge-I mean, enlarge).

Tiger Woods hasn't finished handing in his scorecard, but so far the tally is ten mistresses in total. Woods allegedly did not use condoms with two of them. And last weekend Elin Nordegren Woods was busy renegotiating her pre-nup from 20 million for ten years to 75 million for eight. Lebron James is looking at this and saying to himself, "I gotta hire this girl's agent".

What is the moral of this story? This tale HAS no morals. Everyone involved is full of shit. From Woods, whose monumental sense of entitlement lead him to think he was immune from such public scandals to the pathetic women he was out gallivanting around with. But especially his wife, who as soon as news of his infidelities broke began renegotiating her pre-nup agreement like she was a first round draft pick for the Oakland Raiders. Now she's going to get paid even more than if the marriage had gone "busto" on it's own accord.

What this teaches us is this-money and celebrity does not shelter anyone from family dysfunction. And you don't need to be tripping on acid to see that the picture below is nothing but a contrivance meant to make us believe something that was never true, not for Tiger nor for his wife. I feel sorry for the poor kids and the adorable dogs. They have been subjected to unmitigated fits of goonery courtesy of their parents that will follow them wherever they go.

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