Saturday, July 25, 2009

I Got Your Asterisk, Right Here...

I have a message for the sportswriters covering Major League Baseball who are outraged over the alleged "Steroids Era"-take that asterisk and shove it up your ass.

Listening to twats like Jay Mariotti and my all-time favorite assclown Rick Reilly of ESPN rant about there needing to be a new wing of the Hall of Fame for suspected and known steroid abusers is like listening to prostitutes complain about their pimps when standing on the same street corner during downtime.

These idiots love their asterisks. They are obsessed with them and want to put them beside any and every baseball record they feel is "tainted". They have no idea when the so-called "Steroid Era" began(Brian Downing, anyone?) or even if it is indeed truly over, which it is not. Manny Ramirez aside, if these sportswriters would stop spewing disingenuous, self-righteous vomit and started doing some actual investigative reporting they would realize how easy it is to beat a urine test for performance enhancing drugs, especially when the testers tell you way in advance when it will take place.

What is most tiresome is listening to these morons fetishizing baseball's "hallowed" past. We've had fierce segregation, amphetamines, which were a clubhouse staple ingested like candy by the likes of Willie Mays and Hank Aaron, spitballs, illegal wagering and the throwing of games by players, the list goes on. Steroids is just a natural extension of human nature-the drive and desire to cheat. Baseball is not a sanctuary from the ills that plague society, but if you were to listen to the outrage vehemently excreted from the sphincters of these jag-offs you'd think the steroid issue is comparable in level of moral outrage as someone operating a crackhouse out of the Vatican.

Bud Selig is a stumbling, bumbling, empty-headed cretin, but this issue is not solely his fault. He owes his position more to institutionalized corporate inbreeding and his talents at schmoozing the owners than to any ability he may or may not possess as an administrator.

He is the perfect foil for the owners, whose only interest was filling their stadiums after the players' strike of 1994 drove fans away from the game in complete and utter disgust. So while everyone was marveling at the incredible home run chase of 1998 driven by these two freaks-

-the sportswriters of America went along for the ride. They never dared question what was so obviously in front of their faces for fear of losing access to the clubhouses and players they were paid to cover. They lost their objectivity and whored their journalistic integrity for a chance to purchase a ticket to the carnival. The freaks were not only on the baseball field, they were also in the TV booth and in the press box.

So now they want to hold summit meetings on the steroid era to declare who was and who was not cheating. They cannot be selective with their condemnation after the fact when there is scant little proof over who was and was not on the juice. There are some obvious suspects, but what about all the others, the ones who have escaped scrutiny because Barry Bonds was made the exclusive poster boy for steroids in baseball?

It is too late for these numbskulls to feign mock disapproval at what went on right in front of their faces, they who spent most of the last 10-15 years suffering from "Head-In-Ass" disease when it came to the topic of steroids in baseball-

Those members of the media are just as complicit as the owners who ignored the problem within their own clubhouses and the commissioner whose only master is not the integrity of the game but the sports' financial bottom line.

Let us not forget that despite all the outrage over the effects steroids have had on the game, Bud Selig got a raise for presiding over this era. That tells you all you need to know about what the powers that be think about this issue.

These sportswriters can put an asterisk right next to my balls, and they are welcome to build an extra wing in the Baseball Hall of Fame to house them in a glass case once I've been inducted.

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