Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Film recommendation of the week...

The Expendables
Release date: August 13, 2010
Running time: 1 hour 38 minutes

Stallone Kicks ASS!!!!!

Here is the cast for one of the most balls-out, rock 'em sock 'em movies of the year-

* Sylvester Stallone
* Jason Statham
* Jet Li
* Dolph Lundgren
* Randy Couture
* Steve Austin
* Terry Crews
* Mickey Rourke
* Bruce Willis
*Eric Roberts
*With guest appearance by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The plot-who cares? But I'll tell you anyway. I'm not ruining it for anyone who hasn't seen the film because the main storyline takes a back seat to the action. An ex-CIA operative has gone rogue and is aiding and abetting a stereotypically arrogant, power-mad Latino military dictator for the opportunity to share the spoils of the cocaine trade emanating from his fictional island.

Stallone and his mercenary friends accept the $5 million dollar job to take both guys out, with a twist-he falls in love with the dictator's young and beautiful daughter, who initially acts as Stallone's contact during his first foray to the island alongside Jason Statham. Stallone decides to go back after getting ratted out by a fellow mercenary whom he had a falling out with. Long story short, Stallone goes back with the whole crew intact and they proceed to kick more ass than a wild donkey at a Republican Teabagger Rally.

Ass was kicked in epic proportions, and everyone gets in on it. This is what an action movie should be. And funny enough, the plot ain't half bad. The señorita in question who becomes Stallone's love interest is played by Giselle Itié (born in Mexico of Brazilian descent-there is not hotter mixture on the planet) and boy does she loook mahvelous, dahling-absolutely mahvelous!!! I definitely would have gone back for her, and the tumultuous fighting would have just been an added bonus.

How's this for hilarious? Stallone offered Jean Claude Van Damme a role in the film, but he turned it down because...let me stop laughing for a second...HAHAHA!!!!...he felt there was no "substance" to his character!!! AHAHAHAHA!!! The nerve of the guy!!! What a fucking dick!!! OK, Jean Claude-anything you say. I guess with the extra spare time you can go back to the Shakespearean roles that made you a household name, you fucking pretentious prick.

Anyway, he wasn't missed. Everyone was good in this film, and an extra round of applause must go out to Stallone's sidekick in the film and current action star Jason Statham. He made the movie what it was, and this is not to discount the contributions of all the others cats, who were all bad-ass in their respective roles.

Despite the fact that some of the one-liners were corny as hell, the bits of occasional comedy did improve as the movie went on. If you've been disappointed with the absolute rubbish that's been coming out lately and want to go to the movies to have some great fun, let me tell you-skip "Takers" and go see this. "Takers" was the worst piece of crap I've seen in a long time, and you will thank me for telling you to stay clear of it. Don't get taken by the fact that it has done well at the box office-"Takers" is the worst heist film ever made. Go see "The Expendables" instead. You will thank me later.

"The Expendables"-They kick you don't have to.

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