Not only is this not happening, but MTV is filming, as we speak, a spin-off series in Jersey City with Snooki and her only slightly less annoying friend J-Woww. We are going to be subjected to more of this fat cow's blood-curdling, cringe-inducing shrieks for attention, except the show's producers are at a loss as to how to fit cigarette smoking, fetal alcohol syndrome and bulimia into this twisted scenario of irresponsible, out-of-wedlock motherhood.
Snooki's unfortunate boyfriend exhibiting some semblance of shame at the antics of his surrealistically unhinged girlfriend is an anathema to the whole premise of the show. J-Woww, in an increasingly retarded attempt to appear as some sort of avuncular sage (replete with the worst boob-job in the history of trailer park chic) states unironically that Snooki deserves someone who "won't try to change her". As if change were the worst thing that could ever happen to this two-legged septic tank.
Jionni must of have been aware of Snooki's on-air persona way before they hooked up. Yet even with all of her botchulisitc behavior, he not only decided to make her his girlfriend, he was having unprotected sex with her while sending her off to the Jersey Shore, a petri dish of venereal diseases that makes Ancient Rome look like a monastery. What the fuck is up with this moron? Is money and fame so important for these Guido freaks that dignity and self-respect is so casually dismissed as long as they're on television? Are there no lines these rabid, disease-ridden baboons won't cross?
Then consider the toxic porridge that consists of Snooki's daily beauty regimen and you will see the similarities-spray tanning, body spray, hair extensions from dead Chinese slave laborers, hair spray, makeup, and scented vaginal spray (if your snatch doesn't smell like the Jersey Turnpike, you ain't doin' it right!!!). Throw in a diet consisting of Ron-Ron Juice (steroids, whiskey and protein powder), take-out pizza and pickles and you'll have Jack Lalanne throwing his juicer out the window in disgust.
Mix this concoction up Jersey-style, which means not in a blender but by gratuitously falling on the floor whenever a camera is on you to make up for the fact you've got nothing new, exiting or remotely humorous to say, which is every five minutes. This is what this poor child living inside Snooki's snatchpit is being nourished with. All while being singed to a crisp from her double-time tanning salon sessions. Add her boyfriend Jionni's obvious steroid abuse and you have serious genetic troubles brewing for this unborn child.
She was Season 1's outcast and was actually considering going back home in a defeated, lumpen heap until she got punched in the face by the gym teacher while sucking down mad shots of booze. Suddenly she morphed into everyone's cute little cunt muffin, and the sympathy she derived from this attack was the catalyst for her comeback. Everyone suddenly rallied around her, and now we are stuck with this bloated, perpetually vaginally-yeast infected Guido warthog. How unfortunate for us. We almost dodged a bullet there, yet it remained squarely on-target and we are here now having to deal with the consequences.
"She's trash, and she should be sterilized. You need a license to own a gun, you should also need a license to breed. Is it only the fat, stupid pigs that reproduce these days?"