Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Tebow-Mania hits New York City!!!

Ah, Tim Tebow is officially a member of the New York Jets. YES!!! Finally, an even more pathetic drop-step quarterback than Mark "Dirty" Sanchez!!! Tebow has a stronger arm out of the two, but has an even worse completion rating than our resident Latino GQ coverboy, who throws more interceptions than Vinny Testaverde. No one was anticipating the second coming of Richard Todd with this dingleberry of a quarterback, but let's be real-Sanchez was a tad bit overrated coming out of USC. He was more a product of Pete Carroll's pro-style offense than anything else. Sanchez did manage to take the Jets to the AFC Finals two years running, but that is no testament to his quality as much as it is the result of luck and the Jets' stifling defense.

Mark Sanchez, GQ Model-
As for Tebow, how many backup quarterbacks get a press conference worthy of a newly crowned world champion? How is it that he has created a quarterback controversy despite the fact he can't toss a watermelon through an open window if he were standing right in front of it? But all he does is win, right? what hate on Tebow for that? Because somewhere down the road NFL defenses will catch on to his one-trick pony show and will stop him dead in his tracks. Without a passing game to supplement his running talents, he's nothing but a fullback in a quarterbacks' jersey.

We were subjected to his weasel-faced diatribe about hard work, leadership and all that other contrived garbage. His "ah shucks, by golly" redneck demeanor isn't going to play well in New York if he doesn't produce, that is the bottom line. And produce he can, if the Jets utilize him to accentuate his skill set, which is that of a bruising running back and not a pocket passer.

Rex Ryan working hard on how to best utilize Tim Tebow-
Now the Jets wide receivers have to put up with TWO quarterbacks who can't throw, which is exactly what they do NOT need. Their running game needs an overhaul, of that there is no doubt. Adding Ladanian Tomlinson on the downside of his career was an exercise in wishful thinking. The Jets need a faster, younger backfield to make up for their deficiencies in their passing game, and Tebow fits the bill to a proverbial "T". This nightmare scenario might work if the Jets install a Wildcat offense to showcase Tebow's obvious talents as a runner. If they decide to run plays for him that call for passing down field, their receivers are going to have a hard time twisting themselves into pretzels trying to catch under and overthrown passes that waddle in the air like wounded ducks. I'm sure Santonio Holmes is jumping for joy at the news that he's got another mediocre quarterback to NOT throw him the ball.

The Three Pendejos-
The Evangelical Christian Right pressured the Denver Broncos into promoting a fourth-string QB into the starting position, and enough miracles took place last season for people to believe Tebow was the Second Coming. But John Elway knew what he was looking at-a flash-in-the-pan cowboy who got lucky enough times to strangle the conversation about his glaring weaknesses, which the New England Patriots exposed in the playoffs. THAT was the real Tim Tebow, not the miracle worker who owed his success more to Denver's ability on defense to keep their anemic offense in games long enough for all those fourth quarter comebacks than to divine intervention.

Here's to hoping the Jets do something useful with these two bum-ass quarterbacks. They desperately need to get back on track and show the world they did not make a monumental mistake in not only acquiring Tebow but in signing Sanchez to a long-term contract, especially after last year's debacle in which he was openly criticized by his own teammates as lacking the leadership qualities vital to leading an NFL football team. I highly doubt it, but miracles do happen. Let's see. Then again, after witnessing this episode of epic bitch-assedness, you would question Sanchez's toughness also-

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