Saturday, October 15, 2016

Bad to the Bone...

After the second presidential debate (if you can call how the candidates went at each other presidential), a new star arose onto the political horizon-All-American undecided voter Kevin Bone. Watching his porcine neckline struggle to contain itself in that ridiculous sweater (where the fuck did he get that cherry red monstrosity? And here I was thinking that Alexander's Department store closed in 1992. Is their surplus stock still circulating?) His Humpty Dumptian visage and porno moniker was plastered all over the news the very next day, having emerged as some kind of hero because he actually asked a question that was pertinent to the future of this beleaguered country. 

The media are idiots, and they think the average viewer is too stupid to delve any further into any particular subject long enough for the development of nuanced thought. This is why we've been presented with this lardass, and it's why he's become a national folk hero-because he is indistinguishable from the so-called "average" American that politicians love pandering to. If you want to check these so-called average American motherfuckers out, you must go to their natural habitat. Take a bus or fly to Ohio, Wisconsin, or Iowa and stroll through a neighborhood mall on any given weekend. You will see these Kevin Bone-types with their grotesque, morbidly obese, pasty white, and equally sartorially challenged offspring looking for the two-for-one special at Arby's. They are also at the local supermarket, with their carts full of Cheez Wiz and Spam. It's enough to give you rectal spasms. These are the so-called "real" Americans that so desperately want to make America great again, and Kevin Bone is leading the charge. 

Media darling Ken Bone making the rounds-

Man of the fucking people-

He's Everyfuckingwhere!!!

But like every fairy tale, reality is a bit more challenging to countenance, especially when it's staring at you in the mirror. It seems as if this lovable, inflatable media darling has some character flaws. Or, as we here at "Busting Chops" like to put it, the Ken Bone is apparently connected to the ass bone. He's made some totally ignorant remarks about the Trayvon Martin shooting, claiming that the shooting was justified. and made some remarks in the chat forum of a porn site featuring pregnant women having sex. Apparently he finds this particularly repulsive niche of the adult entertainment industry titillating, like any normal, well-adjusted American would (NOT). He also admitted to insurance fraud, a federal crime. This is the problem with making douchebags like Kevin Bone into heroes. They will always let you down. At least we can buy a t-shirt, just to show our friends we belong in "The Bone Zone"...Somewhere Ron Jeremy is kicking himself for not coming up with this marketing idea first. 

Having forever been typecast, he can't even appear on television anywhere without having to wear that repulsive red sweater. I can see him now on the beach in Rio de Janeiro rockin' a pair of Speedos and a red sweater vest. Now that would be a fucking sight. There are now Halloween costumes paying homage to "Don Jueso", and one of the Jonas brothers (the gay one...hold it. Aren't they all gay?) wants to shag his fat, hairy ass. To quote detective Bunk from "The Wire", this whole thing"makes me sick how far we done fell".  But we have further to fall, because on November 28th (according to Trump, who can't even get the day we vote for president correct) we get to elect one of the worst of two evil lessers to this land's highest office. How exciting. 

In this corner, we have a careerist, polyester pant-suited political hack who, along with her husband, has one of the most despicable records of fucking shit up for poor people of color not only in the US but in places like Haiti, where his so-called foundation is nothing but a supply-side economic stimulus package for their political cronies. The list of grievances are too long to list, but it continued with Hillary as Secretary of State. This adult diaper-wearing asshole and her serial rapist husband have managed to enrich themselves through their political connections to the point where they could offer their own daughter a fucking $900,000 a year PART TIME JOB with their own foundation.

And in the next corner, we have an out-of-touch, elitist, misogynistic neanderthal orangutan who's managed to fail upwards for almost all his life and now campaigns as a man of the people. His belligerent, racist, sexist rants against the country that made it possible for him to succeed despite being a pea-brained, propped up, entitled jackass whose only talent is telling everyone how great he is, has resonated with the American people. These are our two choices.

Thank goodness we have Kevin Bone to cut through the clutter. Get your t-shirt and go out and vote. It'll make little to no difference in the long run due to the quality of both candidates, but if Trump wins you can at least say you did something top try and stop him. Then again, if elected he did promise that Blacks and Latinos will have "the time of their lives". That's something, at least. My peeps can look forward to getting deported to the sounds of salsa, merengue, and bachata blaring from the sound system of a defunct Trump Airlines plane, which he will lease to the federal government for dollars on the penny just so they can get rid of us and he can make a profit. 

Let Freedom Ring!!!

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