There will be no R.I.P. for this idiot. At 6'4" and 200 pounds of solid muscle and pure speed, he had what few are born with-the freakish athletic ability to play pro football inn the NFL. And just what did he do with his talent?
He got arrested so many times that commissioner Roger Goodell suspended him for the first eight games of the 2007 season for violation of the NFL's personal conduct policy. In other words, it is written in the contract of every NFL player that they cannot go out and act the fool while being employed by the league in any capacity.
And it was stupid shit he kept getting pinched for. The second to last incident involved Henry punching an 18 year-old in the face, throwing a bottle and smashing the guy's car window. All over an unpaid debt. As an NFL player, exactly what the fuck are you doing out in the street lending teenagers money?
But it was the LAST incident which became, well, his last. As befitting a dysfunctional, jive-ass motherfucker blessed with physical talent and absolutely no sense, Henry expired from wounds suffered while dry surfing on the back of a pickup truck driven by the biggest ghetto-ass hoochie this side of...(insert your favorite ghetto HERE).
Here is the interview-
A question for you, darling- If you love your man so "hard" as they say in the 'hood, why put his life in such jeopardy? You have any idea how difficult it is to find a professional athlete to fall in love with a country-ass ghetto hedgehog such as yourself?
So now the cash register has closed for her. The story goes that they were having an argument and she sped off, knocking him off balance and he went sprawling off the back of the truck. He died from severe head injuries, which is consistent with the accident report. I imagine his head must have hit the pavement more times than a bowling ball hurled into the gutter by Fred Flintstone.
Now just what the fuck he was doing on the back of a pickup truck is beyond me. What she was doing speeding off knowing he was back there standing is again another mystery worthy of the good Sherlock Holmes. However it happened, it cements the theory that too many pro athletes are blessed with physical gifts they are clearly unworthy of possessing. If he left behind any children, they unfortunately will pay the price for his stupidity.
Jim Leavitt-Rat on a Hot Tin Roof
Another asshole coach getting nailed for abusing his players. Does this guy not have ESPN? Does he not understand that the collective tide is turning on the whole football coach-as-tyrant thing? Yes, some of these young men need a bit more, um, "mentoring" than others. What do you expect? Some of these football players would not even be attending college if it wasn't for football. Some are idiots, some have lower IQ's than others, and still others are just straight-up dickheads. "Tough love" is definitely required with some of these head cases.
But the whole college football environment is not really conducive to tolerance and accountability. It's a violent sport with type-A personality-having, frustrated ex-jocks coaching hyper-aggressive young men in their physical primes. There are bound to be problems on every campus with a major D-I football program. So my contention is the only time problems are made public is when things are really and truly out of hand.
Not only did he choke a player and punch him in the face TWICE, he went around trying to convince anyone who could have ratted him out to change their stories. He took a school, the University of South Florida, that never had a football team when his tenure began and did some solid work given the circumstances. But he didn't win ENOUGH to keep his job after the shit he pulled. He knew it, and with his career record of 17-18 in the Big East Conference, the whole world know it. He of course is denying the incident, another sign that the prototypical asshole football coach cannot and will not change his stripes regardless of what's at stake. A little contrition, a few well-placed apologies could of served him well. But we will never know the answer to that. This type of man shows remorse about as often as a middle eastern terrorist changes the towel on his head.
So it's good riddance to the rat-faced coach. He, along with Mark Mangino and Mike Leach will land on their feet at another program. It all depends on how well they sell themselves, and how desperate a sagging program is to sell it's soul to bring athletic success to it's football program.
Happy New Year, Everyone!!!! Glad to be back after computer problems kept me offline for a few weeks. The issues haven't been resolved totally, but enough has been done for me to keep things moving here. Converse
We have a lot to catch up on, so let me start by giving Converse a big "Fuck You" for their handling of the "Heaven is a Playground" exhibit in Lower Manhattan. When the dates were first posted on Heavenisaplayground.com, the times were inexplicably not listed. So I went on two separate occasions at two different times of the day and each time I found the place closed. I went back on the website and the days and hours of operation were finally posted, but way after the exhibit began.
So I marched over on Saturday, December 19th at 1 p.m. and again it was closed. There was a snowstorm forecast for that day, but it had just begun coming down when I got there. Nice of them to notify us in advance.
To this day I still have not seen it. There is no phone number to call and no signs posted at the spot. Just a storefront gate that remains slammed shut. You can't even tell if you're in the right place or not when you're walking along this particular block. I will say this-if you want to relive your glory days as a crack dealer in the projects from the late 80's-early 90's and are in the market for a shearling coat, a leather Eight-Ball jacket or a vintage triple fat goose, then Orchard Street is where you want to be.
And I love the hours the exhibit is open from-noon to 4 p.m. Thursdays through Saturdays. Anyone with a job will have to go either between these hours or wait until Saturday, when it will more than likely be closed with no explanation whatsoever.
Now I understand why Converse could not capitalize on the sneaker wars of the early 1980's when they had the two biggest stars in the NBA, Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, signed to endorsement deals.
Nike blew past them and Converse became truly irrelevant soon after signing Michael Jordan, who incidentally wore Converse throughout his 3 years at the University of North Carolina and was even born in Brooklyn no less!!! Converse was the shoe everyone wore on the playgrounds back in the day and have massive, old-school street cred because of it. But they became obsolete for a reason. As a company, if they can't get something like a photo exhibit right, it speaks volumes for their incompetence.
So Fuck You, Converse. How hard is it in this day and age to disseminate accurate information in a timely fashion about an event you're promoting ?
Gilbert Arenas of the Washington "Bullets"
It turns out Agent Zero was using his locker stall at the Verizon Center in Washington, D.C. as a weapons storage facility for the upcoming invasion of the nation's capital by Al-Quaida. This jackass is reported to have stored unloaded guns in his locker not registered in D.C., which have some of the most stringent gun control laws in the country. Seeing as D.C. has had the dubious distinction of being the murder capital of the states, I can see why such laws are on the books.
But wait...it gets better. Arenas and his teammate, 22 year-old Javaris Crittenton squared off and pointed guns at each other in the middle of the locker room after a dispute over a gambling debt. Arenas, a nine-year NBA veteran, who should of known better, used this moment to hold a seminar on Crittenton's behalf on anger management and dispute resolution by pulling out like Doc Holliday at the OK Corral.
Which leads me to ask, WTF? Arenas, apparently oblivious to the consequences of his actions, acted as if he knew nothing of the incidents when asked by reporters. It's good that he has the reputation of not sweating the small stuff, because he will need that psychotic, self-absorbed mental make-up to get him through the investigations that will be forthcoming. I don't expect anything to come of this because there is no way in Hell any of his teammates are going to throw him under the bus, but Agent Zero needs to be more discreet about packing heat in the gambling parlor that is the Washington Wizard's locker room.
Mike Leach and Adam James
There must have been something else going on besides a headstrong coach clashing with a pretty-boy receiver with entitlement issues for the powers that be at Texas Tech to fire the one man responsible for breathing life back into their moribund program.
Football in Texas is a religion, and there are shrines all over the state at every one of their Division-I schools. The stadium at Texas Tech has had to undergo expansion every year for the last couple of years due to the increasing popularity of the program. Mike Leach won, and he did so with an exciting blend of speed on both sides of the ball and a passing attack that played to the strengths of his recruits.
Texas Tech does not have the pedigree as other more esteemed blue-chip programs have, but they put themselves on the map and are exciting to watch. This will invariably change now that Leach has been bounced from the school for allegedly abusing one of his players. Leach sent wide receiver Adam James to go sit in a dark shed during a practice session in which James showed up wearing shades that supposedly were recommended by a doctor after he suffered a concussion. When coach Leach asked James about the shades, he responded that they were recommended to him because he was "sensitive to light". So the coach put him in a dark place, and then quickly soon after Leach found himself in a similarly dark place-the unemployment line.
Here is a photo of the shed in question-
One of the things I felt Leach did wrong was throw this player under the bus when he received his suspension. Instead of speaking directly to the incident, Leach had his attorney attack James and spoke of his obnoxious sense of entitlement, laziness at practices and how his father, a football analyst for ESPN, was always pestering the coaching staff over his son's development and playing time.
These things could all have been true, but a televised interview was not the venue to air those issues. To his credit, James' father, when interviewed about the incident and all that was said about him and his son, took the high road and did not stoop to the level of Leach's attorney. Then, to make matters worse, a few days later Leach came out and said the exact same things HIMSELF. He even tried to get a court order to coach his team for their bowl appearance, attempting to override the school's suspension. After all this, he was fired.
Here are the major points-
1) It may have been true that this player James was an asshole to coach. But we also know that football coaches, regardless of how smart and unconventional they may be, can also be assholes. What Leach should of done is cut James, plain and simple.
2) Secondly, Leach also should not have aired the contentious relationship he had with both James and his father, knowing this guy is a nationally known and respected college football analyst who has as big a microphone as he does.
3) Third, Leach should of kept the acrimonious relationship he had with university brass out of the headlines. The public airing of such grievances made it impossible for him to walk back through the door he just slammed on yourself.
It may have been true that the university was not happy with the influence Leach had at their school. They then should not have signed him to a contract extension last year. They apparently did not realize the type of influence resurrecting a bullshit football program in a state like Texas comes with. They cannot have it both ways. A coach like Mike Leach wields power. That is the trade-off for the success and revenue he brings in.
Unfortunately, no one at the university was on the same page and the Red Raiders will never be as fun to watch again. I guess Texas Tech needs to start tearing down all those extra seats they had put in their stadium, because they will be empty for a very long time.
I am happy to announce there will be a photo exhibit celebrating the 35th Anniversary edition (published by Rhino Books) of sportswriter Rick Telander's book "Heaven is a Playground". When: December 8th, 2009-January 31st 2010. Thursdays through Saturdays 12 noon 'til 4 P.M.
Where: Converse Energy Space. 132 Orchard St. between Delancey St. And Rivington St. Lower Manhattan, NYC.
Close from Christmas Eve until New Year's Day.
If you are a fan of this book, here is an opportunity to see the places and faces that Telander meticulously described when he spent the summer in Foster Park in Brooklyn chronicling the streetball scene. The characters and the playground itself will be on display, and I am personally looking forward to attending.
I wrote about this book in a previous blog entry, so if you'd like more information on it feel free to go back in the archives and check it out. *Here are some photos from the opening night, which was RSVP only-
Author Rick Telander with James "Fly" Williams-
Telander with Albert King-
Telander with some of the original protagonists of the book-
Ah, Tiger-so he's human after all. It's not enough that he is the best golfer the world will ever see, that is until genetic engineering allows scientists to manufacture elite athletes in a lab.
It's not enough that he married one of the finest white women in the world, and went to Scandinavia to get her. Turns out his Nordic Homecoming Queen can swing a golf club as well, but she bogeyed on par nine the morning of November 27th, sending his SUV reeling into a fire hydrant. That's some ghetto shit right there, going after your man with a golf club and smashing the rear window as he attempts in vain to escape. Hell hath no fury like a hoochie scorned-
A woman goes straight to "US" magazine with alleged proof of an affair with Woods, along with salacious text messages supposedly received from him. Here is Jaimee Grubbs in her own words-
"He always said to me, 'I don't have time for other women,'" the 24-year-old L.A. cocktail waitress, who appeared on VH1's Tool Academy, told Us of her romance with Woods. "But I knew, in the back of my mind, there could never be just us. There would always be the wife, or somebody else."
(Which begs the question-if she knew this, why did she mess with him knowing the relationship would go nowhere? Why was she expecting more than an occasional booty call and some gifts?)
And here to lend her infinite wisdom on the subject is Ashley Dupre*, the robo-twat from the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal (and I quote)-
*(Disclaimer-I usually don't go to a ho for my philosophical musings on infidelity, but I felt her insight is essential in this case.)
"Here you have all these girls accepting gifts, money, trips from Tiger in exchange for sex-all the while knowing he is married.
And now they all can't wait to tell their stories in exchange for even more money from the tabloids?
"And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut."
It's not the first time Dupre-the high-priced call girl whose $4,300 tryst with "Client No. 9" led to the political downfall of Gov. Eliot Spitzer-has gone on such a rant.
In September, she also railed against all the women who passed judgment on her, despite their own mercenary relationships with monied men.
"I'm often referred to as the 'woman who brought down the governor'-excuse me, people, I didn't call the tabloids," Dupre said then.
"I didn't blow the whistle, and I didn't save 'the dress,' " she wrote, a reference to Monica Lewinsky. "I did nothing to shine a light on my indiscretions or to 'out' anyone else."
So Dupre asks, "Who is the "REAL HO? Someone who fucks you,takes your money, and shuts the fuck up..... or someone who FUCKS you and then makes money TALKING about it?"
As for who the real ho is in the above scenario, they both are.
Dupre needs to come to the realization that there are no distinctions or gradations of severity in the ho game. If you take cash to fuck someone, you're a ho. Anything else that happens within the confines of such employment doesn't make it any more or less what it is. I really can't stand how women like Dupre sit in front of Dianne Sawyer getting interviewed like she's some head of state when all she's famous for is sucking cock and taking it up the ass for money.
And for those who think she was an angel before the Spitzer scandal, guess again. Here she is posing like the hoochie she is as a 17-year-old party girl in Florida during Spring Break 2002. These pictures come courtesy of the illustrious, hard-working staff at "Girls Gone Wild"-(click on the photo to engorge-I mean, enlarge).
Tiger Woods hasn't finished handing in his scorecard, but so far the tally is ten mistresses in total. Woods allegedly did not use condoms with two of them. And last weekend Elin Nordegren Woods was busy renegotiating her pre-nup from 20 million for ten years to 75 million for eight. Lebron James is looking at this and saying to himself, "I gotta hire this girl's agent".
What is the moral of this story? This tale HAS no morals. Everyone involved is full of shit. From Woods, whose monumental sense of entitlement lead him to think he was immune from such public scandals to the pathetic women he was out gallivanting around with. But especially his wife, who as soon as news of his infidelities broke began renegotiating her pre-nup agreement like she was a first round draft pick for the Oakland Raiders. Now she's going to get paid even more than if the marriage had gone "busto" on it's own accord.
What this teaches us is this-money and celebrity does not shelter anyone from family dysfunction. And you don't need to be tripping on acid to see that the picture below is nothing but a contrivance meant to make us believe something that was never true, not for Tiger nor for his wife. I feel sorry for the poor kids and the adorable dogs. They have been subjected to unmitigated fits of goonery courtesy of their parents that will follow them wherever they go.
This is dedicated to road cyclists who have no idea what they're doing when it comes to purchasing a road frame.
First of all, if you're racing, and I'm talking about the short road races and glorified criteriums that make up the majority of courses in the US, the last thing you want to do (unless you are sponsored and/or can get a carbon frame cheap) is get caught up in a crash on your $5,000 Pinarello frame. A carbon frame crashed in a race pileup will shatter like an empty 40 ounce bottle of beer hurled out the window of a crack house.
If you are a racer who has to pay for his own sled and you have no hookup whatsoever with a shop, your best bet is to race an all-aluminum frame. It is relatively inexpensive and can stand up to it's fair share of crashes. It's also very stiff. Basically it's everything you need in a race frame. Those are the pros. But what about ride quality? Isn't it too harsh? Your average race doesn't last too long, and usually you are going too fast to worry about any of the alleged cons. And don't try to be cute and go for an aluminum frame with carbon rear stays. Again, if you crash, that area of the frame will get damaged eventually. Plus, you will lose rear end stiffness due to the glued stays not being as stiff as a welded aluminum rear.
My recommendation is Cyfac. Their pedigree speaks for itself. This small company located in La Fuye, France made frames for some of the biggest names in pro cycling before carbon fiber hijacked the peloton. They do all custom work in their shop and do not subcontract out to the Far East like almost every other frame manufacturer does.
The most impressive aspect of this company is the development of their own method for measuring riders called the Cyfac Postural System. They take into account everything, and nothing is left to chance. You give them the components you plan on using, including saddle and cleats and they do the rest. They also take into account level of flexibility, and require a rider to fill out a form of the measurements from the rider's current bicycle. Below are photos of the apparatus they use to determine body measurements-
The Palmer Set-Up Tool- Cyfac also make some beautiful carbon frames, but for the sake of this particular article we are speaking of best bang for the buck frame for a rider who races and doesn't want to spend a ton of cash. Here is a short list of other options you can go with-
1) Carbon water bottle cages/seatposts/fork painted to match the frame.
2) Internal cable routing.
3) 30mm bottom bracket.
4) Seatpost in whichever diameter you need.
5) Asymmetrical diameter headtube, in case you plan to use a fork that calls for this.
6) Time trial frames in aluminum and carbon.
These cats leave nothing to chance. My personal opinion is to take a trip to visit them at their factory and put in an order. They'll do everything for you right on the premises. They will even send you to a radiologist to have your femur x-rayed as part of the fitting process. This sounds like overkill but it is the only way to get a true exact measurement of this very critical part of your leg. Someone from a cycling forum had this done when he was in France getting custom fitted and it cost him about $45-$50 US dollars.
Here is a photo of the fitting booth in a Japanese bike shop-
This cat right here had his best season as a pro riding re-badged custom Cyfac frames. You may have heard of him unless you've spent the last 10 years in an opium den smoking it up. Yes, the one and only Frank Vandenbrouke-
Cyfac do not use stickers on their frames. All the designs, including the lettering, are painted on using stencils and then the frame is baked for added durability. You think you get that kind of attention to detail with a company like Pinarello? The answer is a resounding NO.
Another thing they do that gets overlooked-they sand the welds before painting, so the transition from weld joint to tube is absolutely flawless. This is an aesthetic feature that is not practiced by any other aluminum frame builder that I know of. So if you want a totally bad-ass frame that fits you like a glove with workmanship second to none, go with Cyfac. You will not be disappointed.
- This my friends is Roy Jones Jr. A fighter who made tons of money and could have left the game with his reputation and dignity intact. But his career as a hip-hop artist didn't quite pan out, and it's not like he would have gone to college to get a degree. Having nothing else to fill the empty void that looms when a once-dignified athletic career is over, many athletes continue on until their skills have eroded to the point where a once-proud and talented fighter winds up like the jackass pictured above.
Here he is, sprawled out on the canvas like a bum getting hurled out of a bar after having one too many. And to think he went all the way to Australia to take this pounding (which was so disgraceful he didn't even make it out of the first round) from Danny Green, a 36-year old pug with absolutely no technique. And what was on the line? The IBO cruiserweight title.
Roy Jones Jr. was a good boxer, but he had the luck of timing on his side. He came up when there really weren't any good fighters for him to take on. Antonio Tarver, the only name fighter he faced in his career that was close to him in skill and talent, beat his ass two times in a row. Felix Trinidad was a dead man walking by the time Roy got to him, so he doesn't really count. The list of guys Jones Jr. defeated in his career reads like a murderer's row of hobos. And due to this pathetic pedigree he was voted the best boxer of the 1990's. Go figure.
I would rather remember him the way he was, an arrogant, self-important asshole who loved to talk about himself in the third person and who always enchanted us with his eloquent diction, which eerily resembled an epileptic mute attempting to recite the alphabet while falling down a flight of stairs.
Yes, it's that time of year. Our first annual "Busting Chops" Golden Turkey Awards for despicable conduct detrimental to honesty, fair play and human decency. In other words, shit that makes you want to puke.
10) Allen Iverson
This is what Iverson said while on the back of the Memphis Grizzlies' bus on one of the three days he spent playing for them-
"I'm playing for a dumb motherfucking coach now just like I played for a dumb motherfucking coach last year".
And he has the audacity to wonder why no GM wants to take a chance on him. It's not just the statement, it's the timing. A pro for 14 seasons, he will be remembered as being one of the truly great competitors of the game, and one of the top-three little guys that ever played the game (relatively speaking, of course, in a league where the average height is 6'9") along with Nate "Tiny" Archibald and Isaiah Thomas.
His career averages are as follows-27 points, 6.2 assists and 2.2 steals a game. He has not lost a step, not even half a step. And still no one wants him. As much as I loved watching him play over the years, it's not his talent that's the problem, it's his attitude. Street cred? Can't cash a check with street cred now that he's gone the way of Latrell Sprewell and Stephon Marbury. Yet he has the nerve to say this-
"I always thought that when I left the game, it would be because I couldn’t help my team the way that I was accustomed to. However, that is not the case."
This is unfortunate, only because Iverson decided to adopt the hip-hop look of his generation with the cornrows, tattoos, and the occasional public beatings of his wife, where in one memorable instance he dragged her out of his house by her nappy hair in a leafy, exclusive Philadelphia gated community with no panties on, all the while slapping the shit out of her. Just like one would do to a crack whore who had the audacity to step out of pocket. He should of remembered that lifestyle is something he should of left behind when he was facing serious jail time for a riot he was involved with in a bowling alley back in Virginia while still in high school.
R.I.P. to Allen Iverson's basketball career. I'm sure come playoff time or even sooner someone will take a chance on him, but the writing's on the wall. The men who write the checks are sick and tired of players like him.
Runner Up-Steven Jackson of the Charlotte Bobcats, for showing such quintessential unsportsmanlike conduct while at Golden State that he gave up his position as team captain for absolutely no reason and shit-talked his way off a team that had recently signed him to a three-year extension in 2008.
9) Charlie Weis
The Notre Dame saga has gone long enough. Every interview Weis is asked, in a myriad of ways, the same questions-"how does it feel to be so close to getting fired? Why won't you just step down? What the fuck are you waiting for to pack your bags and split? Haven't you done enough to tarnish your reputation and that of the football program?" Apparently he doesn't think so.
And he sits there at every press conference, which always seem to be as cheerful as a funeral wake (wonder why he can't motivate his team? Just watch him do an interview-he's about as motivational as someone ordered to dig their own grave at gunpoint) with this hangdog look on his face, almost begging us to feel sorry for him. Well, He doesn't deserve pity. He deserves to get fired and never ever work the sidelines as a D-I college football coach ever again.
Weis brings in stellar recruiting class year after year, but can't do anything with them. He cannot beat any top-25 opponents, has lost to Navy (a glorified Division 3 program) two years running and can't coach his way out of a fucking paper bag. Notre Dame has itself to blame for hiring him. They were under the misconception that that anyone coming out from under Bill Belichick's vaunted tutelage is a mastermind. They also gave him a ridiculously long contract with a prohibitive buyout clause. It's going to be cheaper to keep this incompetent fat bastard, but they'll keep losing and underachieving.
So finally someone stepped in from the Athletic Department and canceled his West Coast recruiting trip. He has to return back to South Bend after losing to Stanford to answer for his abysmal performance. Well, there really is only one answer-get him the fuck out of there already and move on. I'm sick of looking at his Wally Walrus face. Anyone who has stomach surgery to lose weight AND KEEPS GETTING FATTER should never have been hired to lead young men into battle out on the gridiron.
He is the poster boy for incompetent white men who despite doing a horrible job get overcompensated. Unfortunately he will get recycled somewhere and will continue to make a killing. After his Mega Millions Lottery buyout from Notre Dame (thanks for doing a terrible job!!! Here's a check guaranteeing you'll never have to work hard another day in your life!!!) he will ride off into the sunset straight into another plum job despite being one of the worst coaches that ever walked the sideline At Notre Dame. Somewhere, Knute Rockne and the Gipper are rolling over in their graves wondering when someone is going to take a gigantic turkey baster and stick it up this guy's ass.
Runner Up-University of Kansas football coach Mark Mangino. The reasons for his inclusion have been documented in a previous edition here on "Busting Chops".
8) Thierry Henry/FIFA
This one is very simple. Thierry Henry, a striker/winger for the French National team, assisted on a goal that eliminated Ireland from qualifying for the World Cup. Even before the ball went into the goal, you will see from the video that the Irish players had protested the violation as soon as it happened. Not only that, but there was an off sides penalty that the officials also clearly missed right in front of the goal. One cannot put the blame on incompetent officiating. No indeed. With the gambling scandal that has been uncovered recently, said to involve the highest and most prestigious pro soccer divisions in Europe, we can suspect that the officials were on the take. Missing two blatant violations in such a crucial moment of the match indicates cheating.
The officials should be fired and investigated, but there is plenty of blame to go around. The culprits here are Thierry Henry and FIFA, soccer's governing body. First of all, Henry came out and stated the obvious, that there was a handball violation on his part and that the match should be rescheduled only after FIFA had made their ruling that the results would stand. After speaking to French National Soccer officials, he was cleared to admit the violation only after they knew that there would be no chance that FIFA would overturn their ruling.
Secondly there is FIFA. What would the gamblers, mafiosos and other assorted scumbags do without the governing body sticking it to the Irish on a game that had such serious ramifications? Let's face it, Ireland is not much of a powerhouse in ANY sport, and qualifying for the World Cup would of been HUGE for them. What better way to make sure they stay down than to cheat them out of the possibility of taking part in the world's biggest sporting event? FIFA, which in this case stands for Fuck Ireland in the Fucking Ass, has ruled to replay matches on other occasions for similar violations. But their bias in this instance is blinding.
This is not like Diego Maradona and the infamous "Hand of God" incident. The video technology we have today can be used to aid officials when they either miss or are not 100% sure of a certain call. At the very least it would give the opposing team an opportunity to challenge a controversial call. But FIFA does not allow instant replay. Why? Not because they are against technology but because they are against anyone or thing that would challenge their autonomy. What they say goes, right or wrong.
Runner Up-David Beckham and his obnoxiously anorexic, perpetually morbid twat of a wife Victoria, who despite the hoopla of signing for a US team has had no impact on increasing the sport's popularity in the states whatsoever.
7) Plaxico Burress-Street Cred Strikes Again
The incident happened last year, but it was resolved THIS year, so it made the cutoff for our awards ceremony. By walking into the Latin Quarter nightclub in New York City with a loaded, unregistered handgun and accidentally shooting himself in the thigh, this is what our boy Burress lost with that one bullet-
1) A newly signed, 35 million dollar contract over the next 5 years.
2) His stature as a Superbowl hero and employment with the New York Giants.
3) His future as an elite NFL wide receiver.
Burress' last game was on November 23, 2008. He was released by the Giants on April 3, 2009. He'll be in jail until at least the Spring of 2011, when he will turn 34. Not the age NFL teams throw big money and long-term contracts at. And like our good friends Allen Iverson and Michael Vick, Burress grew up in Virginia-home to some of the stupidest motherfuckers in professional sports.
But don't worry, Plaxico-you'll come out of this with your street cred intact, seeing as you'd have something to brag about while you're standing on the corner puffing weed with your homies and talking about how you held it down and represented while you were in prison. A man's gotta have something to be proud of in life, after all. And when you come home you can try to explain to your wife and kids why you couldn't provide them with a better life when you had a better opportunity then most to do just that.
6) Lance Stephenson
I hate to give this guy a Golden Turkey Award only because I have the distinct feeling that the people advising him are the true turkeys, but he seems on his way to fucking up a good thing. He could very well be another Brooklyn phenom out of Lincoln High School whose best years are behind him. Yes, he won the Big East Rookie of the Week last week, but if you look at his team's schedule the Cincinnati Bearcats don't play a decent team until December 30th when they face Connecticut. It is beyond me how Stephenson, who was supposed to be the best player ever coming out of Lincoln High School (some say better than Stephon Marbury and Sebastian Telfair) didn't wind up at a college program with a better pedigree.
But there are clues. One, his academics were weak. Two, a little something about an alleged molestation charge filed against him by a female student. Three, his family is a major hindrance. They've been charged with taking money under the table for the rights to film his junior year (Bornready.tv) and got him in trouble due to an unauthorized visit to the UnderArmour company while on a recruiting visit to the University of Maryland that they recommended for him.
He has been getting an incredible amount of exposure for years now, and the adults in his life have done nothing to shield him from any of it because they too love the attention. First of all, here is the biggest issue going on with this young man-
College scouts do not agree with the above statement from the cover of "DIME" magazine that he was ready to be an NBA star at 17. I've heard major D-I scouts say that he lacks athleticism, has a weak perimeter game and will have trouble getting his shot off playing against bigger opponents whom he won't be able to out-muscle and intimidate like he did in high school.
He "dropped" 40 or so points on that NBA defensive wizard Jamal Crawford at some bullshit summer league game as a 15-year old and ever since then the hype has been out of proportion to his talents. If anyone out there follows street basketball in NYC, you know there have been plenty of five minute phenoms (Lenny Cooke, anyone?) who come and go for the same reasons-bad academics, lazy work habits, egos that don't match their skill sets and bad advice from, vultures posing as advisers. The main reason Stephenson was so good in high school, as hip-hop artist Fat Joe pointed out in one of the video segments shot for Lance's site, is there wasn't anyone near his age who could guard Lance. But in college, that's going to be different.
If he follows the advice of his financially strapped parents, he's going pro after one year because they want to live the dream (I can already see his father getting into trouble and divorcing his fat, ugly wife who looks like a cross between a hippopotamus and a wildebeest). But as far as development goes, I can't think of any player out there who could benefit more from staying in college at least three years than this guy.
He's got too many idiots around him telling him he's already a man. He's not. And he's not going to be an impact player in the NBA anytime soon. Just watching what happened to Telfair makes me think that the same thing will happen to Stephenson. I sincerely hope not, because I would love to see this cat succeed. Any fan of NYC basketball would.
5) LeGarrette Blount
I actually felt sorry for this guy when I watched the video of his behavior (what is referred to in the 'hood as "BEASTING"), but that's because I've been around guys who have behavioral issues all my life. Their impulse control is so poor they almost can't help themselves, and what shocks me is that stuff like this doesn't happen more often.
Come to find out Blount was on his way to a first-round selection in next year's NFL draft if he had a good year for the Oregon Ducks, but he quacked his way out of that and will be lucky if he gets an invite as an undrafted free agent. Too bad 'cause the guy has talent, but really-isn't there a pill for shit like this?
4) Ron Artest-Jack Ass In The Box
Artest, unlike a few of his "Malice at the Palace" brethren, has gotten a second lease on life and will more than likely wind up with an NBA championship ring sometime soon with the LA Lakers. Ironic as he was and still is the most retarded out of the bunch that were involved in the NBA's most infamous brawl. As for the others, they aren't doing so well. Jermaine O'Neil, one of the most versatile and talented big men of his generation, is a pathetic shadow of his former self and is running on fumes. It really is sad to see how far his game has fallen off.
Stephen Jackson rehabilitated himself somewhat by busting ass out in Golden State and getting himself a nice little guaranteed contract. But he too has never been farther away from a title, as he got himself traded to the pathetic Charlotte Bobcats for talking too much shit and criticizing management. And I almost forgot Ben Wallace, the one that helped initiate the madness that night in Detroit by going after Artest after a hard foul. Wallace administered a combination karate chop/choke hold on Ron-Ron that would of made P.J. Carlissimo reminisce about the good old days with Latrell Sprewell.
Even though Artest has kept himself out of any major problems since that brawl, he's still an idiot and rightfully deserves his Golden Turkey award. As soon as he signed with the Lakers, he stated how he has "hoodalized" the franchise. Just what they needed. And nothing compares to that appearance on Jimmy Kimmel where he sits through the whole interview practically naked. Yes, he was funny, but at what point does being "hoodalized" equate with the total and complete loss of one's dignity?
Runner Up-Jamal Tinsley, for being such an asshole that the Indiana Pacers essentially paid him NOT to go anywhere NEAR them and is currently still out there without a team interested in his services.
3) Julio Castillo-Take Me Out To The Brawl Game
How funny that this young man bears a striking resemblance to his special-ed twin brother separated at birth, Ron Artest-
He would of made the number one spot on our countdown, but that slot is hallowed ground. It takes an asshole of epic proportions to make it to the top of the Golden Turkey awards, but Castillo did not make it for lack of effort. He is the minor-league pitcher from the Dominican Republic who, during a bench-clearing brawl, let loose with some serious chin music that failed to reach it's intended target and instead beaned a fan sitting in the stands. This is him in the video, wearing number 32 in the gray uniform-
One can say that there are no rules in love and war, but a bit of decorum is of the essence when participating in a brawl of this nature. Don't swing bats, don't throw balls and don't grab anyone's jock, even if you're in the middle of a pile and no one would know it was you. The first two are way over the top and the last one should get you a lifetime ban from the game.
2) Theo Bos/The UCI
Check out this video. This is the biggest crock of bullshit I've seen in pro cycling in all my life. Theo Bos, the sprinter for the Dutch Rabobank team, grabs race leader Daryl Impey by the jersey and flings him into the barriers in this year's Tour of turkey (ironic given the title of this particular segment). The sheer recklessness and malice is only topped by the fact that such a kamikaze move also brought down the cyclist who initiated this heinous act. It seemed as if he did so while not caring one bit for his own personal safety. That is straight-up psychotic.
Worse than that, the assholes at the UCI, cycling's governing body, reviewed the video and concluded that Bos DID NOTHING WRONG. He was suspended for a month by his team and that was it. And to think he could of killed Impey with this dastardly display, it is beyond belief how Bos was not banned for at least a year without pay. Holy Fuck. If you're looking to emphasize with Daryl Impey and would like to feel his pain, all you have to do is dive headfirst out of a car going 45 miles per hour wearing nothing but a cycling helmet, tight lycra shorts and a polyester blend jersey. Tuck and roll, bitch!!!
Runner Up-There is no runner up. This one is in a class all by itself.
1) Donte Stallworth
What exactly is one man's life worth? Well, the family of 59-year-old Mario Reyes isn't telling. Donte Stallworth, former wide receiver of the Cleveland Browns, ran Reyes over and killed him after a night of drinking. For this heinous crime, he got 30 days in jail. THIRTY DAYS. Whatever the financial settlement was (which doesn't affect Stallworths' pocket much because he had an umbrella policy to his auto insurance) it doesn't make it right when you consider how Plaxico Burress is spending two years in jail for shooting himself by accident and Stallworth is out free.
Stallworth has lost plenty, as he was released by the Cleveland Browns and may never play again in the NFL. But there is nothing funny or sarcastic to say about this. Stallworth should be behind bars for what he did. If there is any honor in this, it's that he at least admitted his wrongdoing and settled with the family without them having to hire a lawyer to drag this out in a civil suit. So kudos to Stallworth for doing the only right thing he could of done to address this very wrong situation.
This makes Donte Stallworth our Number One Golden Turkey Winner of the Year, edging out many other worthy candidates who, having done everything in their power to win the award, fell short due to the fact that their actions did not result in the death of an innocent, hapless victim.
Runner Up-Adam "Pacman" Jones, for conduct unbecoming to humanity and making a mockery of being born gifted enough to play football as a professional. An utter and absolute disgrace.
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